newsobserver.com blogs -- unclecrizzle

"G.I. Joe," Jean-Claude Van Damme, Painful Childhood Memories — Yes, It's Time For Another CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION!!!

Crizz — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 06:00:00 -0400

For today's edition of the Condition, I speak to another film writer who I know for a fact listens to the podcast. The guest is John Lichman, online producer for "The Rotten Tomatoes Show" on the Current channel and contributor to The House Next Door. Some of you may be aware of the joyfully inebriated, film-critic podcast he also used to do for the site.

We discuss the fine art of moderating podcasts (whether you're drunk or sober), our love for Armond White, the new Paul Giamatti movie "Cold Souls," the ever-growing need for studios to drop senseless summer blockbusters based on toys and Lichman's love for the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie "Bloodsport." The mention of this movie brings up an unfortunate, painful, childhood memory for me. I won't get into detail here (I go into much graphic detail on the podcast), but there's a good chance you'll never look at Vicks VapoRub the same way again. You can also download it here.

I'm taking a brief online break, so check back the week after next for podcasts. Besides, I'm sure you'll need to take a breather from me after the VapoRub story.

A CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION Where I Speak to Another Newspaper Film Critic (You See, I'm Not the Only One!)

Crizz — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 14:01:21 -0400

On this installment of the Condition, I speak to Michael Sragow, film critic for the Baltimore Sun and a veteran of the film-reviewing frontlines. We discuss his days working for Rolling Stone (he drops a pitiful-but-hilarious story involving "E.T." that explains why that magazine is always the last to pick up on what people are talking about) as well as the work of the late filmmaker Victor Fleming, who is the subject of a recently-released autobiography Sragow has written. (BTW, all you Triangle residents can catch one of the movies he's famous for at the end of the month.) We end the podcast talking about the cinematic legacies of Budd Schulberg and John Hughes, who both passed away last week. You can also download it here.

FRIDAY: Me and another film writer bond over drunken podcasts, "G.I. Joe" and Jean-Claude Van Damme. I also talk about a rash — seriously.

The 25th Edition of CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION! (aka The One Where Harry Lime Finally Comes Out the Shadows!)

Crizz — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 06:00:00 -0400

For this edition of the Condition, the 25th installment so far, I talk to someone whose name has popped up more than a few times on this podcast. And, after weeks of scheduling, I finally get him in the hot seat. Today, I talk with Mike D'Angelo.

To the novices who don't know who he is, he's quite powerful in the film-criticism game. His meticulous Web site, The Man Who Viewed Too Much, has been a major source of influence in the movie-reviewing blogospehere. Holla at any online film critic or blogger (as I have with this podcast) and you'll learn that Mike D'Angelo is The Man — even if he says he's not, which he does here. But, anytime people you don't know give you money to go to France, so you can write dispatches from the Cannes Film Festival, you have to think of yourself as The Man just a little bit.

Since I was shocked to get him on the phone, we spend most of the time talking about him: his Cannes exploits, his tenure as an Esquire columnist, his rather mathematical approach to reviewing movies, his new column over at the Onion's A.V. Club. It was quite entertaining all around. I'm sure this will be a heavily-listened-to edition of the Condition. But that's what happens when you talk to someone who has The Man-type qualities. You can also download it here.

MONDAY: Discussing the life of a golden-age movie master with the film critic who recently wrote his biography.

A Special Birthday Edition of CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION!!! (AKA The One Where A Friend and I Wonder Where Our Lives Went!)

Crizz — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 13:04:33 -0400

As of last Wednesday, I am officially 33 years old. (Please hold the applause.) And man, do I feel old!

Yeah, some of you are saying, "Oh Craig, you're still young!" I just spoke at a college function with a bunch of teenage, mostly female, aspiring journalists — and all they could talk about was "Harry Potter" and "Twilight." Every time I name-checked some old movie, they looked at me like the RCA Victor dog. To all these Robert Pattinson-loving kids, I'm a geezer! I might as well have my own condo up in Boca! Thank you for being a friend, dang it!

For this edition of the Condition, I needed to talk to someone who understood my pain. Fortunately, another friend of mine just celebrated his 34th birthday on Saturday. His name is Jason Shawhan, a Nashville-based film critic for these publications, a blogger, an employee at this awesome movie theater and a man of many aliases. (He'll always be Jean Genet Ramsey to me.)

We basically talk about our current lives as aging, desperate film critics, bad movies we clean the house to and moviegoing birthday memories. We also talk a bit too much about Prince — most specifically, stuff involving bootlegs (one of us may get a call from Prince's lawyers soon), the whereabouts of Prince's female associates(especially that one who purified herself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka) and why he won't get a hip replacement. It's another one of those installments where movies kinda take a backseat to, well, everything else.

I hope you enjoy me kvetching for thirty minutes or so. As Jason says, "It's just a rich tapestry of sad." You can also download it here.

FRIDAY: The Man Who Viewed Too Much finally comes out of the shadows and makes an appearance on the Condition.

Another Outdoor Movie Series Is Coming!

Crizz — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 06:52:08 -0400

Dang, I forgot to slide this into my film picks. Oh well. As always, click on the poster.

Another Episode of CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION Where I Sound Drunk (But I Swear I'm Not! HONEST!!!)

Crizz — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 00:58:11 -0400

I don't know whether it was because I was kinda out of it on this particular day, I was participating in this while lying down or I just have trouble using those things called words. But I sound more unintelligible (read: drunk) than usual on this installment of the Condition.

Or maybe it was because I was talking to someone who knows how to use words — and use them well. Today's guest is Chuck Tryon, Fayetteville State University professor, film & culture blogger and author of "Reinventing Cinema: Movies in the Age of Media Convergence."

We discuss that book, along with the so-called subversiveness of "Bruno," the significance of the "Harry Potter" movies and why film critics shouldn't beat themselves up about keeping audiences away from "Transformers 2."

Well, I should say he talks. I just ramble, stagger and make impersonations of those people on the N & O comments section who say I'm a terrible writer. They're wrong; I'm a terrible conversationalist — at least, on this podcast. You can also download it here.

MONDAY: Me and another film critic celebrate our birthdays the only way we know how — by trying to figure out where did Apollonia go.

It's A CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION That's Too FUNKY For Words!!!

Crizz — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 06:00:00 -0400

On this special musical edition of the Condition, I talk to Jason Woods, better known as Houston-based DJ/photographer/podcaster/renaissance man Flash Gordon Parks. We basically go back-and-forth on both movies and movie soundtracks, specifically why there doesn't seem to be any good, contemporary ones out there. We also indulge in one of my favorite recreational pastimes, called "Have You Heard of This?!," where me and Flash play choice snippets from some of our favorite soundtracks to each other. (And yes, the funky-beyond-belief theme from one of my favorite films makes an appearance.) You can also download it here.

FRIDAY: Talking about "Bruno," "Transformers" and "Harry Potter" — in that order — with a Fayetteville State University professor/film-festival drinking buddy.

CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION (or The One Where I Somehow Found Myself Defending the Acting of Ben Affleck!?)

Crizz — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 06:00:00 -0400

As always, I don't know how it happened. But I did.

That's what happens when you spend 35 minutes or so talking to Jenny Sekwa (not her real name), a middle-aged, self-deprecating, New England chatterbox with a wacky personal blog (check out the URL), a Twitter page with a misleading albeit titillating avatar and an insatiable love of movies.

In this whirlwind edition, we talk about the weird things she posts on her blog (including a YouTube clip that I thought for sure had her dancing in a tube top), how she turns into that cute talking dog from "Up" when she's around celebrities she loves (especially Mickey Rourke — yeah, she's crazy like that) and the on-the-side reviews she's done for a Web site or two. One of them, a review of that long-lost classic called "Gigli" (sarcasm, folks!), spawned a nice little debate that ended up with me doing the aforementioned Affleck-defending.

I now await all the snarky comments from my colleagues. You're welcome. You can also download it here.

MONDAY: Playing soundtrack selections over the phone with a crate-digging, film-loving DJ.

Defending Armond White & Dissecting Roger Ebert's Pimposity? Yeah, it's CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION Time Again!!!

Crizz — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 11:39:57 -0400

On today's installment, I talk to Daniel Johnson, Chapel Hill film blogger and former employer of a recently shut-down independent theater in his neighborhood. I talk to him about the closing of that theater as well as his not-yet-finished book of conspiracy movies. And, somehow, I also manage to explain Armond White to him, which, somehow, ends up with me defending the man. I don't remember how we got there, but it happened.

We also establish that Roger Ebert is still a pimp. Just thought you should know. You can also download it here.

FRIDAY: Getting into it about "Gigli" with the former owner of a lower-back tattoo.

I Truly Cannot Win! (First In A Possible Series)

Crizz — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 14:27:40 -0400

Regarding my Katy Perry-Beth Ditto column (which I thought was kinda positive) yesterday:

"Craig,
I have to tell you I found your Gossip/Katy Perry piece straight up depressing. Beth Ditto is actually widely known as being a queer advocate and a feminist--she's been iconic for that for a solid 5-6 years. I know this in part because I was the Gossip's publicist for their first few records and she has been out and vocal about it since the bands inception. I would say she is the best known queer female icon in independent music, period.

Also, in your article, the way you write about KP's body (boobs in the lede--c'mon, man!) and that every single time you describe Beth you mention her weight--how little you talk about the music or their actual skills or charisma--you might want to consider how discouraging and depressing that is for young female musicians who might be anxiously reading the story because they love Katy Perry or are anxious to get their hands on whatever info they can about women making music. I am on a book tour right now for my book, 'Girls' Guide to Rocking,' which is for girls 8-16 who are interested in playing music and starting bands. Every night, after the reading I spend about an hour talking to these young girls, and you cannot imagine the impact stuff about weight and appearance and how it is written about--women musicians looks being criticized and not their music (i.e. not being taken seriously, not being treated in the same way as their male peers)--how that makes them view the music world, how discouraging it is, what a road block that feels like as a 15 yr old girl who is not Katy Perry hot and wants nothing more than to rule the world from her drum kit.

I am sharing this with you in hopes that you will, in the future, consider the implications of how you criticize female artists."

--Jessica

It's Here! It's Finally Here! An Episode of CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION!!!! Praise God! Praise Allah! Praise Dame Helen Mirren!

Crizz — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 13:03:50 -0400

First off, I'm sorry.

For the six of you who were expecting podcasts last week, there's a really good reason you didn't get any: I couldn't get anyone to put them up.

But, dang it, it's a new day, and I'm hoping I can get on track where I can give you several podcasts this week. And today's installment is a doozy. I talk to the overtalented Phonte Coleman, one-half of Little Brother and the Foreign Exchange and quite the exuberant podcaster in his own right. But he's also a to-the-point film critic as well, as anyone who has seen his "Movie in a Minute" YouTube clips can attest.

We discuss what films he finds "hard," why he won't invest his hard-earned money in "Transformers" (good man!), what's wrong with Hollywood and other film-related issues. I also beg him to give the N & O a shout on his podcast. As you can see, we need all the help we can get. You can also download it here.

TOMORROW (HOPEFULLY): That long-overdue podcast with the Chapel Hill guy.

Happy Harry Potter Day, Everyone!

Crizz — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 09:41:38 -0400

Here's a little something to go with the review.

It's the Thrilling Conclusion of CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION (aka My Short, Yellow Bus Conversation with the Cool Republican)!!

Crizz — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 06:00:00 -0400

In part two of my conversation with conservative film critic Victor J. Morton, we discuss why the art-house crowd pleaser "Easy Virtue" isn't that crowd-pleasing (even with that fine Jessica Biel), why movies starring silent-film great Harold Lloyd are brilliant and the canon of animator, filmmaker and all-around funny dude Mike Judge (whom Morton believes is a "closet conservative"). This particular part of the convo turns a bit weird when we both deconstruct the sharp, critical genius of Judge's prized creations, Beavis and Butthead.

Let me just say this right now: if someone told me that I would have a smart, legitimate discussion about two cartoon numbskulls with a 43-year-old Republican, I would tell you that cocaine is a helluva drug. And yet, I did — and I think I'm a better man for it. You can also download it here.

MONDAY: I discuss the recent closing of a decades-old theater — and why Armond White still just ain't right — with a Chapel Hill blogger.

CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONIDITION, Or The Day I Realized Some Republicans Do Know What They're Talking About!!!

Crizz — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:43:34 -0400

Today's installment of the Condition is part one of a 55-minute conversation I had with Victor J. Morton. By day, Morton is the national editor of The Washington Times. But, on the Interwebs, he's known among film nerds as Rightwing Film Geek, an arch-conservative who has a very unique (dare I say, liberal!) taste in movies.

While I expected our conversation to be an engaging one, I didn't expect it to leave my head buzzing. The man practically talked circles around me, making me feel like I was going on a short yellow bus to nowhere.

The man knows his movies, as you will hear in this podcast, recorded a couple of weeks ago. (I say this because I make a mention of a certain Chapel Hill theater that at the time existed when we talked.) Victor and I touch on everything, from to this year's lousy batch of Oscar nominees (especially the "very well-made lie" that was "Frost/Nixon") to movies geared to a conservative audience to why Alexander Dovzhenko's 1930 film "Earth" is one of the greatest movies of all time to why he thinks "The Girlfriend Experience" is one of the more fascinating movie experiences he's seen this year.

This man left me in awe. You'll probably leave this thing with the same impression I still have: Victor J. Morton just may be the coolest Republican alive! You can also download it here.

COMING FRIDAY: Part two, where Vic and I get into the sham that is "Easy Virtue," the underrated genius of Harold Lloyd and why Beavis and Butthead just may be the greatest critics who ever existed.

Are "The Dark Knight" and "Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins" Really the SAME MOVIE? Find Out on CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION!

Crizz — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 06:00:00 -0400

On today's certain-to-divide installment of the Condition, I talk to Steven Boone, East Coast freelance critic, blogger and friend of Armond. And we get into it on the subject of classical filmmaking, something that Boone feels is sorely lacking in our contemporary film culture, and whether the most acclaimed movie and the most ghettofabulous waste of time aren't that different from one another these days. (Hence the titular question.)

We also discuss how one particular, Oscar-winning summer blockbuster from way back can soothe that savage beast known as — the American teenager. You can also download it here.

NEXT WEEK: A two-parter that still has my head buzzing.

The Geekiest-Sounding CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION Yet!!!!

Crizz — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 11:28:19 -0400

Once again, my apologies for the lateness. But, the person who usually puts these podcasts in code for me was off last week, leaving me with several backlogged Conditions (including one, soon-to-be-infamous two-parter I'm saving for next week).

Luckily, they are still pretty timely, like this one I did with Simon Abrams (aka @simonsaybrams), New York-based freelance critic and blogger. We talked about Abrams sharing column space with the notorious Armond White, our different tastes in prison movies and the best films we've seen so far this year.

And let me just say that if you've ever wanted to hear a conversation about movies with not one, but two men who sound just like Eddie Deezen (no offense, Simon — I was beginning to think I was the only one), then you must listen to this podcast. You can also download it here.

Next up on Friday: Is "The Dark Knight" no different than "Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins"? A friend of Armond will explain.

Oh, They Just Keep Getting Better!

Crizz — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 19:00:43 -0400

Another one from the pro-"Transformers 2" crowd (and I am posting this exactly how this guy wrote it):

"To begin Id like to know where you get off calling me and any other movies goers who watches AND enjoys Transformers??Who died and made you Mr Hi-Brow movie critic???And I havnt been hyped into loving the movie.I on my own sought out info about it in anticipation of it and determined it may be okay.ANY movie I go to see has the possibility in the back of my mind that it wont be entertaining.Im not some low-brow senceless movie watcher and am offended you state such.Damn dude its a summer action movie not Hamlet.Gain some perspective here.And whats wrong with a hot chick straddling a motorcycle??Not a thing ,not a darned thing.As for Shia freaking out.......its part of the story but your just to hi-brow to get it.So in closing Mr lindsey.....perhaps you shouldnt worry so much about the publics taste in movies.You need to work on your manners and your movie critic skills(which are sorely lacking from my viewpoint)P.S. Im not some disgruntled kid,Im an educated 54 year old who has been going to the movies since six,my earliest was Godzilla(youll probably find something wrong with that)so with my vast movie experience I bet Id make a MUCH better critic that you."

— Gene

The First Of Many to Come . . .

Crizz — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 18:03:10 -0400

Regarding my "Transformers 2" review (and I boldfaced a section a friend really wanted me to highlight):

"Dear Mr.Lindsey,
Hey there, my name is Kimberly Bailey.I went to the midnight showing for the new Transformer's movie last night and read your article this morning. I was just wondering.. have you actually seen Transformer's: Revenge of The Fallen, or are you part of the media that is just not very fond of Michael Bay? Do you actually understand the way that Michael Bay was portraying the world of the Transformer's, or have you gone by what you've seen in other movies, such as your example in your review, Star Trek, and been comparing? Some of your review, to me, was vulgar and unecessary. The part about Megan Fox was completely irrational to the movie itself and should not be put into a review reguarding the quality of a movie. Someone's breast work doesn't relate to transforming machines fighting. If there is a third movie added to the Transformer's, I hope you will possibly have a better view towards it.

Thank You, Kimberly"

No, THANK YOU!

This CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION Is For The Children! (Just Like Ol' Dirty Bastard!)

Crizz — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 12:39:49 -0400

Are you a parent having trouble picking movies you and your offspring can see together?

On today's edition of the Condition, I talk to a guy who knows that situation all too well. His name is Lance Mannion, the arts-and-culture blogger whose regular-guy expertise I have called on for an article or two. We discuss the difficulties that come with finding the right movie for adults and their children, especially when the children are beginning to mature and acquire cinematic tastes of their own. We also discuss Mannion's rather sensible movie-reviewing style — most notably, his takes on "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" and "Night at the Museum 2." Those reviews almost make me want to see those movies — almost. You can also download it here.

CRIZZLE'S CRITICAL CONDITION (aka L.A. Week, Round Two!!)

Crizz — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 06:00:00 -0400

So, I'm assuming most of you are here because you just got through with my "Taking of Pelham 1 2 3" takedown in the paper and you would like to hear me rip it apart some more. Well, you're in luck!

Because on today's edition of the Condition, me and my guest, film producer, blogger and occasional film critic Andrew Dignan, go to town on "Pelham," "Terminator Salvation" and other summer movies you've probably already regretted sitting through. Dignan's a good guy to talk to about summer movies because sees many of them before anyone else does and, since he lives in La La Land, has all the inside info on why we have to sit through these movies to begin with. So, if you've ever wanted to know why Hollywood keeps giving us movies like "Wolverine" every summer, you should take a listen to this podcast. You can also download it here.