The Bachelor: Boiled Rabbit Edition

The night starts off with the girls assigned to write and perform an original love song for Jason (Nikki freaks and says she'd rather have a tarantula crawl up her arm than do that.). Jason picks Molly for the one-on-one date.

Molly's date is hanging out at Jason's pretend house, eating burgers and making 'smores by a campfire. He gives her a rose and asks if she'd like to stay and "camp out under the stars" and she says yes. So they go inside the tent and zip it up (what about the stars!?!).

Molly (right) comes home the next morning -- in Jason's clothes -- and everyone pretends to be excited to see her, but inside they are seething and boiling with jealousy. You can see it in their eyes, the way they are wishing her dead. "I don't like that she smells like him and that she's wearing his pants right now," says Melissa.

Molly lets them know she's really tired because she was up all night and got hardly any sleep, so she's off for a nap. Some of the other girls get ready for a group date. Stalker Shannon reminds us that the last time she saw Jason (the last rose ceremony) was great -- except for when she was "crying and vomiting."

Jason takes them to the set of General Hospital where he gets to play doctor and the girls get to dress up in various outfits and make out with him.

This is priceless: "I have a crush on Jason!" Shannon says, while holding a giant prop butcher knife. HOLY .... Then she gets to kiss Jason and Jason acts a little terrified. She gets so excited about kissing him, even though the kiss was in a script and Jason was being forced to do it. When she gets upset when he kisses the other girls, she comforts herself with the knowledge it was on the set and the kisses were fake. (IS SHE FOR REAL???).

The "groupness" of the situation starts getting to Naomi and Jason talks to her about it, and assures her that he understands how she feels. Melissa is also freaking out watching him with the other girls. Megan says she wants to scream to Jason that she's perfect for him, but at least she realizes that she can't actually do that because that would be "straight crazy."

Jason pulls Melissa (left) away to see why she's upset. She cries, but somehow it's not creepy and scary when she does it. It's a very sweet moment rudely interrupted by .... Stalker Shannon, who says she wants to talk to him when he's done. Oh Jesus. Run, Jason! Run.

Here we go. Shannon (right) gets some alone time and she's determined to seize her moment and seize her man. She starts to cry too, and it's a desperate, scary, icky, terrifying, incoherent, rambling, ugly cry. Jason's mouth is hanging open while she's sobbing and pleading, and I know he's thinking "Do I need to change my name and leave the country?" (yes).

Is anyone else thinking Glenn Close when Shannon tells him, "I'm not letting you let me go." ("I will not be ignored!") The rant continues: "....Go home with me ... Just go home with me ... I want to meet Ty" etc etc. Then she blows her nose (and picks her nose) and kisses him, but he pulls back from the kiss because she has "napkin" (aka "snot") on her face.

He gives the date rose to Naomi.

Next date: Jason goes with Nikki, who looks like Sandra Bullock but cries a lot, and Stephanie, the widow/single mom. Shannon watches them leave and she has that boiled rabbit look in her eye.

Nikki and Stephanie (right) go ballroom dancing with Jason and the claws come out a little because one of them will go home tonight. And it's "Adios, Nikki." She's super gracious to Jason, but in the car she cries (of course) and man oh man, this girl is insecure. She doesn't know how much smarter or prettier she has to be for someone to love her. That's so sad. Poor thing. Meanwhile Jason is back to dancing with Stephanie and she finally gets her real kiss.

The rose ceremony is awesome. He gets down to three women -- Megan, Lauren, and Stalker Shannon -- and he has one rose left. And he doesn't give it out!! So he sends all three of them home. Wise, wise man. Angry, angry women.

I was waiting for the Shannon ultimate breakdown, but she was shockingly together when he cut her loose. I was almost thinking she was normal till she said she was going to go home and give her dog some french kisses. She is one for the record books.