Thank goodness the Race got a little lively this leg.
There was some tension and some gamesmanship. And against all odds, Jeff & Jordan survived.
The teams started out in Hamburg and had to drive to Menehold, France where they were to go to a boulangerie (a bakery) and get a baguette for their next clue. Or a boolangee for a bagwet, depending on your style of pronunciation.
The Asians talk about the bond they have, their unconditional love, which seems to foreshadow them fighting all day. But there's a more immediate problem. He's got a bum knee. But he's powering through.
The lesbians, always on the lookout for enemies although no one is paying them any mind, decide they will be at war with the others, not with one another.
It seems the Race has an element of starvation. The best thing about the bakery stop seems to be the chance to eat a piece of bread. The clue is inside the bread and once, the teams break bread, they rhapsodize about it, like it's the best thing since sliced...
The cops keep their lead position and get to the Detour. Both tasks involve a battle scene; the contestants have to join their French brothers on the battle field and dress in old style combat gear. In The Trenches involves going to the communication area and translating a message given in Morse code. Under Fire means crawling through trenches under barbed wire while under attack, getting a message and then crawling back with the message. In both cases, the message is then sent away by carrier pigeon.
In the back of the pack is our girl Jordan & Jeff who say they are determined to get back into the Race; Jeff insists they are the best team, he firmly believes that and he thinks Jordan's starting to believe it too. Our intrepid pair heads to the car to get started, Jordan at the wheel, heading out to seize their rightful place. But first they have to figure out how to navigate the roundabout.
The cops begin the Under Fire detour. The explosions of the "enemy" is quite realistic; it's loud and dirt is flying, and the hits are close. Indeed, it seems the shorter, fatter cop might die. Not from gunfire, but from lack of cardio. Undercover work seems to have prepared him for everything but physical exertion.
Still, they make it, they get the clue and head South to the next clue. There's a U-turn at the clue box, which means they can send another team back to do the second detour. And it's a blind one, so they don't have to let it be known that they did it. Typically, people in the lead don't use the U-turn, but the cops overheard the Asian man talking smack about how strong his team is, and they feel he needs to be humbled. So they U-turn them.
It's not all that blind though. The Asians passed the cops on the crawl and were pretty much running neck and neck with the father & daughter. So when the father & daughter arrive at the U-turn and see what's happened, they let the Asians know that the only team ahead of them was the cops. The Asians promise revenge, then head back to do the Morse code.
Noticed: The Under Fire task finally gets the cowboys to remove their hats!
The cops, meanwhile, get the clue that will send them to the pit stop. It's another costume drama; they'll have to get on antique bikes and in old cycling gear and cycle 4 miles to the pit stop.
The lesbians have declared war on the others, but learn that women in combat is overrated. The thinner one, in particular, does not like getting dirty. She does not like playing with guns. She does not like war games. She has never wanted to be a boy. Worse, it seems, are the intellectual implications of this task. Smart people, she says, do Morse code. Dumb people do trench crawling.
That's right, you heard her: Combat is for idiots! Only stupid people go to battle! Let the grunters do the grunt work! Doesn't take brains to shoot a gun!
Hey, that's wasn't me, that was her. (Although from now on, I will mentally delegate people into Morse code or combat categories.)
And by idiots, she makes it clear, she means people like the models, whom she points out as she sees them crawl by. That's right, she think Miss Teen USA SC should be carrying a gun.
The cops get to the pit stop first, for the second time in a row. They each win a 55-inch HD TV, and declare themselves wolves, not sheep.
Jeff & Jordan get to their speed bump, which is reinforcing a section of a trench at the re-enactment site with branches. They see the Asians, still struggling with the Morse code, and so feel hopeful that they can still catch up.
The models arrive at the pit stop in 6th place, only to find out that they did not pick up the clue after the Detour, so they have to go back and get it before they can be checked in. I wouldn't say this proves the lesbians' point that they should be relegated to combat.
Jeff & Jordan finish reinforcing the trenches and begin the crawl. At this point, the panicking Asians are just guessing at the Morse code. Jeff yells at Jordan to get her butt into gear; she's being slowed because she can't keep her hat on. Jeff suggests she put her boobs on the ground and drag them. Those of us who know Jordan from Big Brother, know that she paid good money for those boobs, so dragging them is out of the question.
The models get back and Miss Teen USA SC is delighted to learn that they are still in sixth place, not acknowledging that they are in sixth place perhaps 30 minutes later. Now that's Combat.
Jeff & Jordan finish the crawl and head to the pit stop in seventh place.
The Asian couple huddles in the trenches, defeated by the Morse code challenge. (It's always so sad when Phil has to come out to the challenge and it's nighttime.) The message was "We will prevail. Viva France."
They know it was the cops who U-turned them, but they acknowledge that while it wasn't cool, it is just part of the game. War is hell.
Assistant Features Editor Adrienne Johnson Martin would like to have her life turned into an animated cartoon. 
