Most times, you could call the Race fun or crazy or exhausting or wacky.
But last night the Race was cruel.
Because that flag-in-the-hay-bale challenge is the kind of punishment they give to kids sent to prison camps.
We're down to five teams and I still don't know which gay brother is Sam and which is Dan, but I do know they were the first to arrive and thus the first to head to the next locale, Stockholm.
When they get there, teams are supposed to take a train and then a ferry to an amusement park where they are to find a particular ride because that's where the clue box is.
It also happens to be Globetrotter Flight Time's birthday and he would like a first place finish, please. Oh, and also, he suggests as they head out, maybe a stop in Amsterdam's Red Light District before they board the plane to Stockholm.
As it turns out, there are two flights to Stockholm, both leaving in the morning. One is at 6:55 am, the other at 9:35. So all the teams will meet up, but the order of arrival will determine who gets on which flight.
Before that's resolved, Mr. America confirms what was suggested before; Miss America's mom is not happy that she's married to a white man, and so part of the reason they are doing the Race is to show that they are a good partnership. Hopefully, mom will see that her daughter is a piece of work and that she should be grateful that any man -- black, white or Asian-- who is willing to put up with Miss America should be embraced.
Back to the flights: Miss & Mr. America and Pink hair and his dad end up on the second flight.
In Stockholm, there's a race to the train. The Globetrotters head for the platform first, hoping to get their tickets there. Alas, it takes too long, they miss the train, and Cheyne & Meghan and Sam & Dan take the lead.
At the amusement park, the clue tells the teams one member must get on the ride, which is one of those that takes you up, then drops you 24 stories. While they are in the air, they must spot an arrow that shows them the direction of the next clue box. The teams decide to work together, and they spot the arrow easily.
The next clue brings back the Travelocity gnome. The teams must toss a ring over a cone. If the cone has the gnome underneath it, they get the gnome and the clue.
That clue leads to a detour. Nobel Dynamite, named after Swede Alfred Nobel, involves filling sandbags to make a bunker and then setting off explosives that blow up an area where there is a metal box with the next clue inside.
Viking Alphabet involves decoding a message from the ancient Viking alphabet and then getting the clue from a costumed Viking.
The costumed Viking is cool, but being that there's only one woman left in the Race and the alphabet involves thinking, you know everyone is picking the dynamite.
At the amusement park, the rules say you can't be over 6'4'' to ride, which rules out Big Easy. He wishes the rule makers would have just named him specifically. At least he can do the ring toss, and he does it easily.
The Americas and Pink Hair and his Dad have arrived at the train station. Pink Hair & Dad miss the train, giving the Americas a leg up.
The Globetrotters decide to name their gnome. After rejecting Sweet Pea and Louisiana Shorty ("too ghetto" says Flight Time"), they appear to settle on Harlem Gnome. That can't be the best they can do.
They may not be able to name a gnome, but the Globetrotters can hustle. At the explosives site, they catch up to the gay brothers and Meghan & Cheyne. In fact, their arrival brings out the hate in Cheyne. "Did your fans help you out?" he says.
The gay brothers figure out they can fill up the sand bags faster if they use their hands, and they are the first to use the dynamite. The Globetrotters, as usual, just grind it out, while Meghan whines that Cheyne should help her fill one bag at a time.
Meanwhile, the Americas have finished at the amusement park and get a taxi to help lead them to the dynamite site. Pink Hair & Dad don't, and they get lost.
The next clue sends the gay brothers to a farm where the dreaded hay challenge awaits them. If you're not familiar, this challenge, used in Season 5, involves trying to find a flag in one of like 180 BIG hay bales that you must unroll. The last time the Race employed this challenge one team spent 10 hours doing it, and never did find that dang flag. It was dark when Phil came and got them and eliminated them from the Race. Man, that was sad.
The Race is calling the cruel act of employing it again a 'switchback'; so I guess we'll see other tasks return again (head shaving anyone?). But at least they made the farm the pit stop as well.
The Globetrotters get lost on the way to the farm, but the gay brothers and Cheyne & Meghan do not. Meghan asks Cheyne which of them should do it. She clearly does not want to do it and wants Cheyne to step up. Cheyne doesn't want to do it but he doesn't want to admit that. Perhaps he's concerned this hair will get mussed. So, he uses the blank-face tactic; just looks at her and says nothing, knowing she'll get impatient and then do it herself. His plan works perfectly. Meghan starts unrolling.
It soon becomes clear which gay brother is doing the rolling and which is on the sideline. That's because sideline gay brother Dan becomes unbearable. He becomes the worse kind of back-seat hay bale roller, yelling at gay brother Sam continually, instructing him on how best to do it, criticizing how long it's taking. Sam asks him continually to shut up, but Dan can't seem to stop nagging him.
It gets worse when Big Easy is the first to find the flag. Gay brother Sam calls the Globetrotters "the luckiest team in the history of the race.' That might be true, but actually, I think it's more that they stay calm and keep it fun which keeps them focused.
The Globetrotters are first to the pit stop and they win a trip to Turks & Caicos. Happy birthday Flight Time!
Frustrated gay brother Sam says he hates Big Easy (and Flight Time?) and because Dan won't stop yelling at him, Sam threatens to kill his brother. It might be worth it; if his attorney shows the footage of Dan yelling in court, I'm betting Sam could get the charge knocked down to aggravated assault and maybe just do some community service.
The Americas and Pink Hair & Dad arrive. You know Miss America is not rolling any hay bales.
Meghan is breaking down, followed by crying. Wimp, it's only been two hours!
Dan is still yelling. Mr. America tells him that the hay rolling is not as easy as it looks. Dan has an epiphany. He realizes he is driving his brother insane over some hay. He stops yelling and becomes encouraging.
Meghan finally finds the flag. It earns her a pat on the butt from Cheyne. He is filled with pride that she is his girlfriend. If she ever figures out how he manipulated the situation, she will be filled with rage.
Pink Hair watches his Dad roll the hay. He says his dad has working around hay all his life, as though that makes him uniquely qualified for this challenge. It does not.
Mr. America finds the flag next.
Finally, gay brother Sam finds a flag. Ironically, Dan says "shut up! shut up!" when Sam finds it.
When they get before Phil at the pit mat, Dan breaks down. When Phil asks him why, he admits that he was a jerk to his brother. He's not proud of who he was today. Sam, while sympathetic, does not deny any of Dan's allegations.
Pink Hair Dad keeps rolling hay. Finally, after nearly 3 hours, he finds a flag. They are the last team. But it's a non-elimination round. Pink Hair Dad is a tough old son of a gun. He doesn't even look that tired.
They'll get a speed bump on the next leg.
Assistant Features Editor Adrienne Johnson Martin would like to have her life turned into an animated cartoon. 
