That's not to say it wasn't exciting.
In fact, it was pretty close, and at more than one point, it could have been anyone's game.
But I suppose the inevitable is called inevitable because it's inevitable.
We started out in lovely Prague. Meghan & Cheyne, who came in first, leave first for the final destination: Las Vegas. When they get there, they are supposed to get to the Graceland Wedding Chapel and get the clue from The King aka an Elvis impersonator. (The real Elvis is dead.)
As it turns out, the only flight through London leaves later that evening, so all the teams will get on.
We learn that Meghan & Cheyne and the gay brothers Sam & Dan don't know who the third team is. So when the Americas, Brian & Ericka, arrive at the airport, they are surprised and the gay brothers are apologetic about the taxi stealing episode. They suggest that the Americas blame the cab driver, reasoning, I guess, that he shouldn't have succumbed to their offer to make more money. Mr. America doesn't buy that. He will forgive but he will not forget.
The flight lands and the Americas get to a taxi first. It doesn't matter; all the teams pretty much arrive at the chapel at the same time. After a group sing with Elvis of "Amazing Grace" (just coincidence that Elvis is singing a song that sounds like Amazing Race?), he passes out clues.
Was that couple really getting married?
The teams get in cabs; the Americas' cabbie says he knows a faster way. This seems scary because the last time they took advice from a local on a faster way, they got waaay behind. This time they actually arrive first.
The task is to rappel face first down the side of the Mandalay Bay hotel. Mr. America is scared of heights, so Miss America enthusiastically steps up. No, I'm serious, she wanted to do it. She's determined to get that cash and says she's unstoppable.
Besides, she says, it's time for her to disprove some of the stereotypes of Miss America that people hold, things they will do and don't do. Let's see stereotypes, hmm... they're wholesome good girls with fake smiles who will apply Vaseline to their smiles to win, they're superficial, maybe not too bright. We've seen our Miss America snarl and yell at her husband, exlaim 'Oh hell no!' several times, threaten to beat someone's ass, and expose her thong. I think her work is done here.
Nonetheless, Miss America rappels beautifully and the Americas are on their way to the Mirage. Miss America is exuberant, but in the cab the voice of reason that is her husband says they shouldn't get cocky because anything can happen.
Cheyne, meanwhile, goes down the building almost entirely with his eyes closed. Gay brother Dan is uncharacteristically supportive and encouraging toward brother Sam. And Sam finishes rather quickly.
At the Mirage, the Americas get the clue that requires them to join the cast of Cirque du Soleil's "Love" -- the Beatles show. One of them must launch the other on a bungee cord into the air to grab a bouquet of flowers. The bouquet goes to a flower child who will then give them the clue.
Miss America is being launched by Mr. America. Maybe because they are Cirque fans, she expected that this was going to be easy, but they don't get it on the first or even the third go, and the evil inside Miss America begins to bubble up. Through gritted teeth she tells her husband to settle down and get it right!
The next thing you know she is insisting that they switch. She isn't tall enough to reach the bouquet. Mr. America tries to convince her to stay with it, but Miss America is about to blow. Actually, she blows: I want to switch! Don't get me pissed!
Cheyne launches Meghan and she gets the bouquet.
Miss America seethes: We can not let them have a lead!
The clue from the flower child asks the teams to go to the most famous hotel in Monaco. The answer is the Monte Carlo, but Meghan & Cheyne ask around and head to the Venetian. I believe they think Monaco is in Spain.
Back at the bungee cord, the gay brothers get the bouquet too. Mr. America has complied with his wife's orders, but now she can't really launch him, so she's practically having a nervous breakdown and they have to switch again.
As Mr. America launches his wife, she's screaming in frustration. I can't stand losing this way!
I think maybe she got cocky, despite her husband's plea.
The gay brothers can't even pronounce Monaco but they learn from a concierge that the hotel they should be heading to is the Monte Carlo. They try to change routes without letting on to Meghan & Cheyne, but Meghan & Cheyne notice and try to ask around again. They end up heading for the Bellagio.
Perhaps exhausted by her own hysterics, Miss America calms down and focuses. Her husband launches her and she gets the bouquet and demands to be let down from the cord immediately. They get the clue and know right away that the Monte Carlo is the answer. Mr. America says they shouldn't give up, that one of the teams may have gotten the wrong hotel. Miss America stares out the window silently.
At the Monte Carlo, the gay brothers get to the road block first. There are poker tables covered with chips. The teams must count and assemble $1 million worth of chips. If they are correct, they will get a special chip and the clue.
Meghan & Cheyne get to the Venetian and discover that it's not where they should be. They ask for help.
The gay brothers start pulling out the red $1000 chips. The Americas arrive and use the same strategy. Then Meghan & Cheyne come and go for the red chips too.
This is the make or break moment. And here's the difference: Meghan & Cheyne stay focused and forget about the other teams. The gay brothers bicker. The Americas don't bicker, but the wifey is kinda high strung.
So, when the chips are counted, Meghan & Cheyne are the ones who get it right.
They get the clue and head to the MGM Grand to meet Mr. Las Vegas Wayne Newton. He will tell them where the finish line is.
Meghan & Cheyne leave. The gay brothers get the chips right on the next go. The Americas are still incorrect.
At the MGM Grand, Meghan & Cheyne find room 88 and meet Wayne Newton. They are thrilled and he tells them the finish line is at his home.
The gay brothers arrive shortly after and they not only don't know who Mr. Las Vegas is, when they meet Wayne Newton they can't remember his name. And they talk about the fact that they can't remember his name to his face. Finally, Wayne tells them his name. It was hard to tell how annoyed he was through his Botox/plastic surgery face.
Back at the chips, the Americas are still counting and getting it wrong. She is saying she'd rather start over; he asks her to give him a chance to get it right.
Wayne Newton has a big house; a ranch actually. But although we get a scene of suspense, it's pretty clear that it will be Meghan & Cheyne running up the lane to applause. And it is.
So they add $1 million to their assorted prizes. They totally dominated so I guess it's only fair that team Vanilla win.
Meanwhile, the Americas come across third and have the obligatory weepy moment when Phil asks whether Miss America's family might have learned something about her white husband that would now make him acceptable to them. She's certain they should, and it's true, he has been lovely.
But maybe they'll just be mad that Miss America has let the nation know her family is a bunch of racists. Or maybe they'll think that if she was married to a black man, she would have won a $1 million instead of come in third. You just never know.
As for us, we're just waiting for AR 16, especially if it's true that Big Brothers' Jeff and Jordan is one of the teams!