Lost lost its damn mind on Wednesday in a Daniel Faraday episode called The Variable. (The last time an episode was named after Farraday shenanigans was that incredible Desmond-Penny episode last season — "You answered, Penny. Penny, you answered." — called The Constant.) This is a day late because it took me two days to get over it.
Welcome to the jungle, my friends.
WARNING. WARNING. YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN. SPOILER ALERT.
Dan is dead. He doesn't go out in a blaze of glory but he goes out kicking with both feet. He goes giving his mom the finger and recanting all of his carefully crafted hypotheses about not being able to change the future. He goes giving the Losties hope that life needn't remain a never-ending Dharma buffet with Dharma ranch dressing on Dharma chips.
The episode opens with Linus shooting Desmond at the marina. (We saw that a few weeks ago.) A distraught Penny has gone to the ER with baby Charlie. "Daddy!" the curly-haired tot cries as Desmond is rushed away. Some lady with white hair (Fionnula Flanagan, looking her stern prison matron best) shows up and introduces herself as Daniel's mother. She wants to apologize because she says Dan is responsible for Des taking a bullet. (Old girl knows too much and says too little.)
ISLAND 1977
Daniel steps out of the submarine and Miles welcomes him back from Ann Arbor. (Wolverine!!!) "I thought you were rich or invented the DVD or something." Daniel explains he came back after seeing the picture of Hugo, 
Kate and Jack with the Dharma Initiative. Daniel hurries to Jack's house and demands to know how Jack got back to 1977. (For the love of Pete. You interrupted Foxy walking around shirtless wearing boxers!) Jack's annoyed. I am, too. Your mom told us to get on that plane. How'd Eloise convince you? Dan wants to know. "Did she tell you it was your destiny?" (That was low. That's Foxy's achilles heel. Why you gotta make him look like an idiot? Come ON.) "Mom was wrong. You don't belong here at all." Zoinks!
FLASHBACK
Daniel F. is just a young boy with incredible skill on the piano and a mother with an unexplained Irish accent. His Irish mother 
comes in, praising his piano playing then starts in on the poor lad about destiny. "It means you have a special gift that must be nurtured. .. My JOB is to keep you on the path." That means no more piano. But why, Mom? "I can MAKE time," Little Dan says. "If only you could," Mum answers. (I'm thinking that's not the first time she squashed his wee heart. Again. Old girl knows things.)
ISLAND 1977
Daniel and Miles leave Jack and head to The Orchid though he tries to join them. (My boy really doesn't rate on la isla bonita anymore. I'm sad.) Jack instead heads across the hood and alerts Sawyer about Daniel. Sawyer looks distracted before 'fessing up that he just cold-cocked poor Phil and has him hog-tied in the closet.
Dr. Chang shows up at The Orchid at the same time as Dan and Miles. Down below, Chang demands the 
workmen stop drilling. "If we don't, God help us all." Daniel is watching. (We've seen this before. ) The workman thinks Chang is crazy, talking about time travel. That's Dan's cue to chat up Dr. Chang. Dude, we met three years ago. Now evacuate everyone from the island before they die. Chang tries to tell him the electromagnetic power has been contained. Daniel says not above ground. (I have to give Dan credit. All the science would have been boring but Jeremy Davies does a great job toning it down for the dumb people.) The Swan (Desmond = button pushing = saving the world) will be destroyed. And it'll be 30 times worse. "How do you know? "I'm from the future."
Chang doesn't believe Dan and walks out. "You're pulling my leg. Leave me alone." Daniel chases after him with his journal. 
Miles is trying to talk Chang away from Dan until Dan lays down this whopper, "Miles is your son. Come on. A Chinese man with the same name as your infant son?" (Yeah, my thought exactly.) Dr. Chang looks to Miles for confirmation but Miles chickens out and says no. Chang, probably acting on Sawyer's authority, issues the second-ever island restraining order, this time on Dan, and bolts. Miles freaks out. Now Chang knows he's Miles' dad and he bolted anyway. "I'm just making sure your dad does what he's supposed to do."
FLASHBACK OXFORD, WHENEVER DAN WAS A STUDENT
Daniel walks out of graduation with his arm around Teresa (Oh, that's bad. The girl in the coma — or whatever — was his girlfriend!) Of course, he's wearing an awful 
flashback wig that makes him look like that English guy in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Eloise makes him ditch poor Teresa and takes him to dinner. There she tells him he won't have time for relationships and he needs to focus on his work."The women in your life will only be hurt." (Truer words were never spoken. See: Charlotte's gruesome death.) Get off my back, Mom! How can I please you? I just got this huge $1.5 million grant from a guy named Charles Widmore. Eloise says she doesn't want to fight. She gives him a present and bolts. (It has to be his journal.) Ah, there's his journal. The inscription reads: "No matter what, remember, I will always love you."
CHEZ LAFLEUR, ISLAND 1977
Jin, Hugo, Kate, Jack, Sawyer and Juliet are having a meeting about what to do next, now that the jig is up, or will be soon. Sawyer doesn't want to leave. He has a life here. (Wait for it ... yes, there's the come-hither glance at Juliet. Gag.) Sawyer, the leader, says they have two options: Take the sub and leave. Or head back to the jungle and start from scratch. Jin says no way he's leaving, especially if Sun is here somewhere. Hugo says no because it took too much to get back in the first place. Daniel and Miles show up. Sawyer to Dan, "Welcome to the meeting, Twitchy," Sawyer to Miles, "Is he still crazy?" Miles to Sawyer, "He's at a whole new level, man." Daniel explains why he came back and demands to know where the Hostiles are. (Kate knows! Kate knows!) He needs to go find his mom. She's one of them. "She's only on the island to get us back to where we belong."
IN THE WORLD, BEFORE DANIEL HOPS THE FREIGHTER
Daniel is watching footage of Oceanic 815 getting pulled out of the ocean and he's bawling. But he has a visitor. Oh Mr. Widmore, what a surprise. You gave me all that money way back when. Sorry I didn't thank you before I left Oxford. You mean "before you were dismissed" for being a loony 
renegade. Daniel swears he did the freaky experiments on himself — that's why he's a little slow these days — before he did them on Teresa. Widmore blows that off saying he's come to offer Daniel a chance to fix things. Daniel is crying again, thinking about all those people who died, and he says no. "They're not dead. What if I told you the plane was fake, an elaborate expensive fake?" Yowza! Widmore explains he did it to protect the island and it's special powers. "If you go back, the island will heal you." Why would Widmore do this? "Because you're a man of many gifts. It would be a shame to waste them." Dan is reminded of his mother. "That's because we're old friends." (Oh really. Friend friends? Or frieeeends? Me thinks frieeeends.)
CHEZ SAWYER 1977
Daniel's explaining about his mom coming to the island in 1954 
with Richard Alpert and his crew. "1954? Like Fonzie times?" (Hugo.) Jack sums it up: Whether we go back on the sub or back to the jungle, we don't belong here (with the crazy DI). Au contraire, Sawyer says. "We belonged just fine before you got here." (I don't see the Jack-Sawyer thing ending well. There's a lot of history there. By my count, they've only hugged twice. I'm thinking one of them will not survive this here extended flashback.) Jack tells Kate to tell him where the Hostiles are, in exchange for him not asking again about Aaron. (Jack says "that reason is not here." What does that mean?) 
Sawyer makes his appeal to Kate, "Freckles, come with us." (OK, that sound you just heard was Juliet's hackles being raised and her gun being cocked as she watches her man being all tender with his ex. Calling her Freckles? Even I'm raising an eyebrow over here LaFleur.) Juliet retaliates by giving Kate the code to unlock the sonic fence — a move that means, like the song lyrics, "Move b%$#&, get out the way, get out the way!" — which sits between them and the Hostiles."It's over for us here anyway," Juliet says. Sawyer, strangely no longer 
a blond, realizes he just betrayed Juliet and she's not happy about it. Teams are chosen. Hugo, Jin and Miles, stay with Juliet and Sawyer. Jack and Kate leave with Daniel. Sawyer, obviously in danger of self-emasculation after that public, weak moment, gives this parting shot to Foxy, "When you realize you made a mistake we'll be back at the beach where we started."
Kate and Jack head to the motor pool to get a few guns. Dan sees little Charlotte on the swings and has to go to her. He speaks to her and she listens with wide eyes. He makes sure she knows Dr. Chang and then tells her soon Dr. Chang will ask everyone to get on the sub and leave. (I've always thought Daniel was a crap character, right up until this very moment. He's crying. Charlotte's crying. I'm crying.) "In case what I do doesn't work, you have to leave." 
Jack sees the tender scene but Dr. Killjoy asks why Dan would bother talking to Charlotte if he can't change the future? (Why are YOU there if you can't change the future, smarty pants? Ever thought of that?) Charlotte's gonna die, right? "I tried to avoid it. I didn't think I could change things but maybe I can."
Foxy just grabbed a really big gun! (That's the spirit, Foxy!) Daniel asks for a "beginner" gun. Just in time. Here comes Radzinsky! (I'm kind of starting to like that guy.) Daniel accidentally flashes his gun and Radzinsky shoots him. They exchange fire before Jack and Kate shoot their way into the jeep and out for a quick getaway.
FLASHBACK, FORWARD, WHATEVER
A mentally altered Dan is playing the piano, actually Jeremy Davies is and doing a fine job of it, and his mom walks in. 
She's come to tell Dan he needs to take the gig on the freighter. Dan begs off, saying his scientific mind has left him. Eloise insists. "Will it it make you proud of me?" he asks (with tears. See photo.) Yes, Daniel. (That woman is evil. But Lost does these moments so well. It takes them five years to explain the island and about 20 seconds to reveal Dan's true motivation. He wants his mother to be proud of him.)
SONIC FENCE, ISLAND 1977
They get to the fence and Kate disables it. Jack, obviously letting those surgeon's instincts go dull, finally checks Dan's flesh would. Daniel said he was lucky. Jack wonders what luck has to do with it. "You don't understand. This is our present. When we met first, did I have a scar? Because I hadn't been shot yet. I can't believe you think nothing can happen to you. Any one of us can die."
CHEZ SAWYER, 1977
Sawyer and Jules are stocking up on Dharma basics, preparing to go on the Dharma lam. Juliet is so salty. Sawyer wants to know, "Hey shorty, you got my back?" Juliet answers, "Well, Boo, do you have mine?" (Neither answer and I'm thinking, Oh so that's how they create the little fissure that'll turn into a big rift that'll send Juliet to Jack and Sawyer to Kate. Or Juliet to Kate. Or Jack back to the bottle and Sawyer back to being Sawyer.) Everyone's leaving. Thank God, Hugo remembered the guitar case. Radzinsky shows up at the house with a gun and Jin is so flummoxed he's reverted back to speaking Korean. Radz finds Phil in the closet. Now the jig is up!
JUNGLE REST STOP, 1977
Jack wonders why Dan needs a gun to meet his mom.
"In four hours. they'll drill deep enough to release enough energy to spur a major catastrophe. In order to contain that energy, they'll have to enclose it in cement. (The 
hatch! Doh!!!) Because of that, people will spend the next 20 years keeping that energy at bay. There is a button your friend Desmond will have to push. when he fails, that will cause your plane to crash. Because the plane crashed, I'll be on the freighter. That whole chain of events will happen. But we can change that. (Since when?). I studied relativity and all I learned is you can't change the past. Then I realized I'd been spending too much time on the constants. I forgot the variables. You know what the variables are? Us. ... We can make choices. We have freewill. We can change our destiny. I can fix it. If I can, the hatch won't exist and the plane will land in L.A. like it was supposed to."
Jack hears that and you can see it in his face. He's feeling Dan. But how do you plan on fixing it? Oh, you know, a little thing they call the hydrogen bomb. (Check out Jughead!)
MARINE MEDICAL CENTER, AFTER DES GETS SHOT
Eloise is still trying to apologize. "Your husband is a casualty of a conflict bigger than the both of us." Except Des ain't dead yet. The nurse grabs Penny and she goes to him. (Aww. I love those crazy kids. They're playing the Penny-Des love theme!) Outside the hospital, Eloise is getting into a taxi and Widmore shows up to ask after Des. Eloise tells him to say hello to Penny. Widmore says he can't because he's sacrificed his daughter to the cause. "Don't talk to me about sacrifice!" (There's a lot of heat there. What gives?) "I had to send my son back to island knowing what he'd do." "He's my son, too, Eloise." Eloise slaps him. (Wait, I wanted to do that!)
Kate, Jack and Dan head to the Hostile camp. Kate thinks what they're doing is insane. "We dropped out of a plane and landed in 1977. I'm getting used to insane," Foxy says, 
sounding calm and almost healthy. They sneak up on the camp but Dan just goes on in with his gun, asking for Eloise. Richard shows up, at the end of Daniel's gun, trying to talk him down and telling him Eloise isn't there. Daniel wants to know where the bomb is. He gives unflappable Richard three seconds to tell him. One ... two ... PHYSICIST DOWN! PHYSICIST DOWN! Dan takes a slug in the chest! Who the heck would shoot the guy who asked for a gun for "a beginner"? Who is so cruel? Who do you think? It's freaking Eloise (the young Ellie, though maybe not the original actress who played her in this picture?) holding the smoking gun. Dan's final words, "Why did you do that? You knew this was going to 
happen. You sent me here anyway." Who are you? Eloise asks. "I'm your son."
Eloise Hawking. Welcome to the dark side. My name is Ben Linus. I'll be your guide. FYI, you've been granted residency here because, here, we kill our children. And we justify it by saying we're protecting, well, you know, geography.
