Our "Lost" junkie Luci Chavez reports on last night's final season premiere:
Second hour of the season premiere. Welcome to the parallel universe known as Perdida. (It's a joke. It's a Spanish word. Look it up.) Read on at your own ask. What, you didn't watch it on Tuesday? For shame. (You can read part 1 here).
On the island, Sawyer's sitting there with dead Juliet. The other boys are hanging with nearly dead Sayid, getting ready to go to the temple. Sawyer (Josh Holloway) is getting ready to dig a grave. Kate tries to help. He shoos Kate (Evangeline Lilly) away. Kate promises to leave him a trail of where they're going. Sawyer says not to both because he ain't following.
That tells me Sawyer is back to thinking and doing for himself, no one else. Remember Sawyer circa 2004? Talk about the nuclear reboot NOT working? Sawyer regressed emotionally, too. That, my friends, is harsh.
At Los Angeles International Airport (LAX), Jack (Matthew Fox) gets a page about some mixup with his "cargo." Daddy Shep's coffin has been misplaced. Jack freaks out.
On the island, the other boys find the temple and jump into the hole in the ground. Kate finds a bag on the arm of a dude missing an arm, ripped off by Smoke Monster/New Locke/Man in Black. (I can't remember who that is. Jin does.) Kate goes ahead with her torch and gets too far ahead. Foxy yells after her.
(Man, have you not learned anything, Kate? Do not lose contact with the rest of the group! Awful survival instincts.) Someone knocks Jack out and drags him back out into the open where Kate, Jin (Daniel Dae Kim), Hurley (Jorge Garcia) are being held captive by ANOTHER GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO CONNECTION TO ALL THE OTHER GROUPS OF PEOPLE WE"RE TRACKING IN THIS DAMN SHOW.
At LAX, Kate convinces the fed to take her to the potty. We know Kate stole a pen on the flight. She's using it to try to pick the lock of her cuffs. Fed smells her coming a mile away and tries to get her out of the stall. Kate kicks his ass, slams his head into the sink (giving Fed a very familiar gash to the temple, uh huh) and takes his gun. (Now THOSE are survival instincts. Yeah Kate!)
Kate dashes to an elevator, where look who's holding the door like a Southern gentlemen. (How yoo, doin', Sawyer.) Airport personnel dude gets on, squawking about a 341. Kate's hands are covered by a coat. Sawyer's giving her his best Alabama "I want to tear you up" look.
On the island, at the Swan, Miles (Ken Leung) has stayed behind to help James finish Juliet's grave. (Sniff.) Sawyer grills the dead whisperer about what Juliet said. Miles says he doesn't know. Sawyer, uh, insists Miles give it shot. Now motivated by having his face shoved into the dirt, Miles does and hears Juliet say, "It worked." James, haviing more in common with the rest of us, is thoroughly frustrated. What worked?!
On the island, at the temple, one dude in red pants and a Japanese dude start asking questions. Red pants is translating when the Aussie flight attendant happens by and IDs the Losties as being on the "first plane with me." The Japanese dude orders the Losties be shot when Hurley shouts, "Jacob sent us. He said you'd help our friend."
Hurley offers the guitar case as proof. There's no guitar. There's some strange symbol made of wood (Egyptian ankh, symbol for eternal life, yes I looked it up). The Japanese dude crushes it and pulls a piece of paper from the center. He demands to know everyone's names.
In a strange twist, everyone plays against type and no one lies. "What does the paper say?" Hurley asks when it's obvious they've been spared. "It said, if your friend dies, we're all in a lot of trouble." (Sayid is being spared. I can sleep easy tonight.)
At LAX, Jin is back to not speaking English as an airport guy is asking about the watch. Jin the cretin gets riled up. Sun is back to not admitting she can speak English but looks like she wants to say something. (And with one look, my girl Yunjin Kim gives us a preview of the next five years of her life, dealing with Jin's BS overbearing, verging on abusive ways.)
The airport people search Jin's luggage and find oodles of cash. They whisk him away like a thug. Sun has a chance to clear it up by just explaining in English. She does not. "No English." (Cold. Wait, isn't that how we left Sun on the island before the nuke? Rocking it like a Foreigner song?)
On the island at the temple, Red Pants realizes the water (does it heal?) isn't clear anymore. Japanese dude cuts his hand and dunks it into the water and the hand is still bleeding when he pulls it out. (It doesn't heal?) They decide to dunk Sayid (Naveen Andrews) in anyway. They ask Jack what he thinks and Jack is like, do whatever. Jin and Kate look at Jack like, you crazy fool!
Sayid gets lowered into the water and eventually starts thrashing. While the Losties scream, "Pull him up. What the heck?!" The redpants dudes keep him under as the sands of the hourglass count down until Sayid stops thrashing. Wait, Sayid stopped thrashing. No. Wait. No. What the heck just happened?
They're pulling Sayid from the water and he's not moving. Dead? No. Wait. Jack, do something! Jack starts CPR. Because that is what Jack does when people look dead. Foxy doing CPR on your prone body is like a rite of passage on the island. But Foxy cries, knowing it's useless. Kate tells him to stop.
(Tears again, 10:38 p.m. Can't help it. Who's going to save the day if Sayid is dead and Jack is undone? Who's going to kill the people who need to be killed? Sayid took people down. He wasn't afraid to take people out when necessary. Sayid was the enforcer. Hockey teaches us EVERY team needs an enforcer.)
At LAX, Kate tries to hide and slips out through a security door. She tries to get a taxi but that dude that got killed by a flying arrow as he moaned about the time-hopping, forces Kate to get in line behind Hurley. Fed is outside searching for her. Fed sees Kate and Kate ducks into the nearest taxi. She puts a gun on the driver and says, "Drive." He says, "I already have a customer." Well, hello Claire! (Welcome back, Emilie de Ravin!)
On the island at the temple, the Aussie stewardess trots by with the two kids. You remember the two kids, Zach and Emma. Red Pants tells Hurley to come with him. They go back to Japanese Dude, who I'm guessing is Japanese because he's working on bonsai trees and previously appeared in that Samurai movie with Tom Cruise.
Japanese Dude wants info about Jacob. "Jacob told us to come here and save Sayid." "He was beyond saving," Red Pants interprets. But Hurley realizes Japanese dude understands English. "I don't liek the way English tastes." Well, bully for you. "When is Jacob coming?" "He's dead." Japanese dude sounds the alarm. Red pants people start mobilizing for battle.
(Who's coming? Is New Locke itching to fight the Red Pants people? I'm watching people drop rings of that crazy gray sand around the perimeter of the temple. Remember how it kinda protected big dude against Smoke Monster/New Locke/Man in Black for a minute inside the four-toed statue?)
On the island, on the beach, New Locke, the villain, does his monologue about Old Locke to Ben and withers Ben to a mouth-breathing mess. "It's fitting because he was sad when he came to the island. He was a victie. Weak and pathetic. There was something admirable about Locke. Locke is really dead. He was the only one who knew how pititful his life really was."
Ben wants to know what New Locke wants. "It's a great irony, Ben. I want the one thing that John Locke didn't. I want to go home."
On the island at the temple, everyone tries to say goodbye to Sayid. Kate tends to Sawyer after he got his ass beat. He wakes up and asks, "We got caught by the Others?" "Yeah but this time they're protecting us." "Of course, they are."
Kate relays her sympathies to Sawyer for Juliet's dead. Jack looks like hell warmed over. Sawyer promises he isn't going to kill Jack. "He deserves to suffer like the rest of us." (OK, point of clarification, Dr. Cry Now Smile later has suffered. He gave at the office, bro.) Besides, I'm thinking, then Kate finishes my thought, "He was only trying to help."
At LAX, Jack yells at his mom about the coffin. Locke listens then asks what's going on. Jack tells him the story. Locke says the most incredible thing. "They didn't lose your father. They just lost his body." See, Locke is kind. He has always balance Jack's intellect, intensity, and often misguided compassion with intellect, clear-eyed thinking and genuine altruism. He smiles at Jack. Jack smiles back.
Jack finally asks about Locke's paralysis. Locke says it's irreversible. And, God bless our hero, Jack says, "I'm a spinal surgeon. Nothing is irreversible." (That's the spirit, Foxy!!) Foxy gives Locke his card and offers him a free consult anytime. (See, they're really meant to be in each other's lives, with out without the crash.)
On the island on the beach, Richard sees the fireworks. New Locke comes out of the four-toed statue but everyone thinks its Old Locke. "Hey, Richard. It's good to see you out of those chains," (No idea what he's talking about. Anyone? Anyone?) New Locke proceeds to stick a shiv in Richard's throat. Ben, in a shocking development, looks shocked. New Locke picks up Richard and starts walking, passing by Old Locke's dead cold body.
On the island at the temple, Jack looks at Sayid like Jack-circa-drug-addiction-era-Jack, dead in the eyes. "Tell me or leave me alone." Hurley shouts at Jack as Sayid rises from the dead.
(Don't get excited. Sayid's body is up and at 'em. But, if New Locke is possible, Sayid could be anyone. He could be New Juliet for all we know. He could be Daniel and wouldn't that be fun having Stone Cold talking gibberish like Daniel for the next four months. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!)
NEXT WEEK: Looks like it's all about Kate and I'm glad. Kate looks determined, in both realities, to kick ass now and figure it out later. She's going to save Sawyer, who doesn't want to be saved and wants to make sure Jack doesn't get saved either. Lots of work to do. Five days until Tuesday.