How I Met Your Mother: The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn

For too long, the Lorenzos of this world have suffered the stain inflicted on our regal name by Lorenzo "Hot or Not" Llamas. Thank you, Barney Stinson, for restoring pride and dignity to our name.

Because, as Monday night's episode of "How I Met Your Mother" shows us, nothing seals the deal on a one-night stand faster than masquerading as Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, reclusive billionaire and failed recipient of male reduction surgery.

After last week's breakup, Barney and Robin choose different paths in moving on.

Predictably, Barney goes back to his loverboy ways, aiming to sleep with every woman in New York City, including a previously underappreciated demographic: the MILTSWANCAs. A MILTSWANCA, as Ted is quick to decipher, is a "Mother I'd Like To Sleep With And Never Call Again." (It's hard to think of another sitcom in recent years that's come up with so many immediately useful slang words.)

Robin, on the other hand, declares that she is throwing herself into work and is swearing off dating. Her public vow to focus exclusively on her career prompts knowing eye rolls from Ted and Marshall, who predict that she will find her true love, now that she's no longer looking for him.

As far as subplots go, Ted and Marshall's nonstop teasing of Robin pays off with Ted and Barney's ex presumably meeting the man of her dreams at the end of the episode, when Robin meets her new TV co-anchor. More importantly, it allows the show's two strongest actors, Neil Patrick Harris and Alyson Hannigan, to take center stage as an angry Lily grows disgusted with Barney's shenanigans.

No one can spit out, "You son of a [rhymes with snitch]" like Hannigan, although NPH is a close second.

Plus, we get a montage of all the pickup gimmicks that Barney plucks from his fabled "Playbook." There's the "Don't Drink That," where Barney convinces a hottie at MacLaren's that unwitting accomplice Ted slipped something in her drink, the "Mrs. Stinsfire," where Barney borrows Robin Williams' costume from "Mrs. Doubtfire" to masquerade as the new house mom for some slutty Kappas, and, of course, "The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn."

With some basic knowledge of Web site design, Barney boasts, he launches a series of faux online sites for his latest conquest to check on her smart phone after he introduces himself with an unforgettable, and utterly awesome, name.

Who wouldn't want to go out with Lorenzo Von Matterhorn after reading about his balloon trip to the North Pole on an Explorers Club Web site? And if that doesn't close the deal, how about a Google search that sends a curious female to "Extremities Quarterly" and a report on Lorenzo Von Matterhorn learning that reduction surgery is not an option for the legendary girth below the belt?

But Barney draws Lily's ire when he accidentally pulls a Matterhorn on the school teacher friend she had been saving for sad sack Ted. As a consolation to Ted, though, he takes a page from Barney's Playbook and pulls off "The Ted," where he gets a pity hook-up by sharing that his fiancee left him at the altar.

So Lily gets an actress friend of hers to hook up with Barney and steal the fabled Playbook, thinking this would put an end to Barney's costumed shenanigans. Too bad that her plan only helped Barney set her up in a mind game of Keyser Soze proportions.

When Barney dons a scuba suit and plants himself in a corner booth of MacLaren's, Lily jumps in and tells his blonde target to pay no mind to the skinny man with a can of Pringles jammed down the front of his Neoprene body suit. But then Barney pretends to break down in front of the gang, confessing that all these elaborate pickup schemes were just a manifestation of his deep-seated insecurities and the pain he's feeling after his breakup with Robin.

Lily takes pity and encourages the now skeptical blonde to go out with Barney. As scuba Barney and the blonde leave the bar together, Lily receives a text from him, telling her to look under the table at MacLaren's. Underneath, she finds a torn-out page from The Playbook, describing in detail how to get Lily to take pity on scuba Barney and help him close the deal on his latest conquest.

Truly, Lorenzo Von Matterhorn is the master.