HIMYM recap: Naughty Canadians

When it comes to compiling lists of favorite naked poses and 50 real-world reasons to do the deed, no one comes close to "How I Met Your Mother." Monday night, it was Robin's turn to educate us, this time on the kinky, nighttime habits of frisky Canadians.

I'm betting that if canadiansexacts.org wasn't a real Web site before, someone was busy claiming that domain name by the time the show ended. (I don't see that nonprofit listed on my United Way donation form, but maybe next year.)

In theory, the episode centered on the elaborate ruse put on by Barney and Marshall to keep Ted from figuring out that Goliath National Bank had scrapped its plans for the new headquarters they hired Ted's firm to design. Even GNB was suffering during the economic downturn, which meant some tough cost-cutting decisions loomed at the bi-quarterly corporate retreat in St. Croix.

(Who says this show doesn't do topical humor? Take that, megabanks taking federal bailouts and squandering millions on corporate retreats and retention bonuses!)

Ted should have caught on when Bilson, the dark-hearted GNB executive who shot down all of his earlier proposals for woodbeams balanced with natural light, stopped sitting in on the architectural meetings.

On a side note, Bilson's rant about natural light reminding workers that there's an outside world where they have family and friends immediately made me flash to the architectural marvel that is The News & Observer building. It truly is a worker's paradise; that, or Bilson's preferred vision where, "You show up in the dark, you go home in the dark."

After convincing Bilson to let Ted ride out the final two months of the architectural contract, Barney and Marshall draft an Ocean's Eleven team of cafeteria workers, janitors and street performers to keep the charade going. They suit up in corporate attire and applaud Ted's proposals for rooftop zen gardens and atrium reflecting pools, but Ted finally clues in when a GNB hottie he's trying to impress in the elevator lets him know the project was cut weeks ago.

Fast-forward through some hand-wringing and angst by Ted, who feels betrayed by his friends, who feel guilty enough to convince Bilson to at least let Ted recreate a 20th-floor version of the cave-like room where GNB employees are lured to get fired. In true corporate-speak, it's known as the ETR, or Employee Transition Room, where supervisors and employees engage in a knowledge-transfer of an impending vocational paradigm shift. Maybe that joke hits too close to home in this economy, but let's move on.

No surprise here that Bilson hates Ted's idea for a "rebirth tranquility hallway" leading fired employees to licensed grief counselors. So Bilson fires Ted, Ted gets fired by his architectural firm and then he decides he's happier now, because he's going to start his own firm where he won't have to kowtow to the GNBs of the world. (Or something like that.)

All of which serves as a meager distraction for a sideplot so hot and intriguing, it leaves Lily hiccuping for air. Robin lets slip that she almost hooked up with a well-known Canadian celebrity, but she claimed she was weirded out by the guy's kinky request. With Barney, Lily and Marshall dying to find out who was the celebrity, Robin forces them to guess not only the celebrity's identity, but also his Canadian fetish and the collectibles that he promised to show her in his apartment.

Basically, she was challenging them to play an R-rated version of Clue, and the game was afoot. Canadiansexacts.org helped them learn some new tricks, including the Sloppy Dog Sled, the Alberta Fur Trapper and the Musty Goaltender, but Bryan Adams, Alex Trebek and Keifer Sutherland all are shot down as possible suitors.

When it becomes clear that her friends will never be able to figure it out, let alone deciper the physics of a Newfoundland Lobster Trap, Robin fesses up. Color them all unimpressed when she brags about going back to the apartment of "The Frozen Snowshoe," allegedly the most famous pro wrestler in Canada. The F.S. lured her back to his place, she admits, by promising to show her his collection of orange cafeteria trays from the Canadian fast-food chain Harvey's.

But Robin was not being completely truthful with her friends. In a flashback to the ill-fated liaison, it's revealed that she was the one who broke out a bottle of maple syrup, not The F.S., and asked him if wanted to perform an "Old King Clancy."

As sexually adventurous as Barney may be, that's one to keep in mind should those two eventually hook up again. How is he going to take it if Robin goes Old King Clancy on him and gets syrup all over his suit?