Guide to Oscar coverage

There's nearly 20 hours of original Oscar programming on television today. And as much as we love the Academy Awards Show, we admit that's ridiculous.

Ridiculously awesome.

Here's a brief guide to the countdown specials, the Red Carpet beat downs, and the brutal (we hope) after party coverage. 

The main event (hosted by Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin) is on ABC beginning at 8:30pm (EST) but a Red Carpet Special starts at 8. That Red Carpet Special will suck if you have even a passing interest in Oscar fashion, so your time is better spent over at E! watching their Red Carpet coverage. That begins at 6pm and is hosted by Ryan Seacrest and Guiliana Rancic. 

If you want to get started super early, E! also has a Countdown to the Oscars show starting at 2pm. So does the TV Guide Network (3pm). The TV Guide Countdown Show is hosted by some nobodies (like Justin Guarini), but right after that, you can watch their Red Carpet Special -- Live at the Academy Awards with Carrie Ann and Chris (Inaba from "Dancing with the Stars" and Harrison from "Bachelor") -- at 6pm. Vivica A. Fox is also on that. You could flip back and forth between that one and the one on E!, but Seacrest is more likely to say something weird and inappropriate, so I'd go with that one.

Don't forget the final (thank you, God) Barbara Walters Oscar Special at 7pm on ABC. Barbara will interview Sandra Bullock and Mo'Nique, both safe bets to take home trophies tonight. Normally the Babs Oscar Special has three or four interviews, but since this is her final show, she had to set aside some Barbara Time tonight. Walters will show clips of some of her favorite (and extremely relevant) Oscar Special interviews from the past, including the year she interviewed President and Mrs. Reagan on Oscar night.  (Note: My main beef with the Barbara Walters Oscar Specials is that she often featured interviews with people who had nothing to do with the Oscars, like Reagan and Prince Charles and The Jonas Brothers. That, and Walters just plain gets on my nerves.)

If you're over-caffeinated when the big show ends, check out the E! After Party at 11:30. 

Finally, do you miss Joan Rivers on the Red Carpet? Me neither. But she's doing an Oscar fashion postmortem (Fashion Police) Monday on E! at 10pm anyway.