Big Brother: Jordan Lloyd, friend of the friendless

OK, I don't know what high school our girl Jordan Lloyd went to in Matthews (Weddington? Butler? East Meck?).

But if you were in the class of 2004 and you know Jordan, now's the time to speak up.

On last night's episode of 'Big Brother" Jordan said she was never mean to anybody in high school, even if they smelled or dress nerdy.

Is that true?

But let's start at the beginning: Nobody was happier that muscle man Jessie was back than Jessie himself. He celebrated by whooping, taking off his shirt and flexing.

Mixed martial artist Russell was glad to have him too. He said he thought they have a lot in common. I think he meant the tendency toward muscularity.

Nerdy Ronnie was excited too. He's seen all of Jessie's Big Brother episodes, and he knows he smarter. Ronnie, we'll learn, is very impressed with his intelligence. He figures he can out think Jessie.

Jessie reveals that he has remained in L.A. chasing his dream, becoming a WWE superstar. Lydia asks about his muscles, calling his physique 'epic' and saying he could play Zeus in a movie. Russell sees her compliments as gamesmanship. Jessie doesn't seem to mind.

Ronnie talks to the other members of his brains clique about forming an alliance with Jessie and the other athletes. Meanwhile, Jessie talks to his fellow athlete clique member Jeff, trying to convince Jeff that he needs to be Jessie's eyes and ears among the group. Jeff is reluctant to play that role.

Later, Jessie shows off the HOH room. Kevin describes its decor as 'Asian-y.'

Jessie says that being the first HOH is like kissing your best friend's girlfriend; it's kind of exciting and good while it lasts, but the repercussions are not good and everybody hates you. It's not a bad analogy, proving that the brain is a muscle too.

In a chat, Ronnie shares that high school was not a good time for him. Our girl Jordan asks why, despite the fact that Ronnie is wearing a shirt that says 'dork.' It is this conversation that sparks Jordan's confession of extreme niceness to even the smelliest high schoolers.

Ronnie thinks the show's conceit of creating high school cliques could really make a difference by breaking down the stereotypes of such cliques. Someone should tell him that this is 'Big Brother,' and that no one is watching to be enlightened, even accidentally.

Ronnie compares the situation to "Revenge of the Nerds" with the Alpha Betas vs. the Lambda Lambda Lambdas.

Ronnie has a meeting with Jessie, offering up his team for an alliance. Jessie seems to accept, but asks that the conversation be kept private. Ronnie agrees, then in a completion of his nerd credentials, compares the alliance as one between the evil galactic athletes and the star trooping brains who will control the universe. You know, because they are smarter.

Tattooed Lydia chats with Kevin about what he and Jessie might have in common. Lydia says it's being judged by their exteriors. Lydia says she will not judge Jessie by his muscles, but instead get to know him and see that there is more than what meets the eye.

Russell and Jessie have a confab. They think they have to dominate. The two bond over their win-at-all-costs attitudes; they are twin souls. Russell says Lydia is the biggest threat. Russell thinks the nerd alliance is a good idea.

Jessie plays chess with Natalie while other houseguests observe. The conversation turns to hottest houseguests. Laura says she thinks Jessie is the hottest. Jessie calls it a 'desperation compliment' and is turned off. Hey, maybe Jessie is deeper than he seems because Laura looks like one of those WWE girls, and he can't seem to stand her.

Jessie wins the chess game; Natalie won't concede defeat. They begin talking smack and it takes a flirty tone. Jessie admits he likes Natalie's plain-talking style.

Later Jessie tells Natalie about his conversation with Ronnie. Natalie, too, thinks the alliance is a good idea.

Ronnie talks to Chima about the brains/athlete alliance and she gets on board.

Ronnie and Chima go into the HOH room to talk with Natalie and Jessie about strategy going into the nominations. The idea comes up to use one of the nerds as a pawn. Ronnie nominates Michele, who is not in the room, to be the pawn because that's the person who usually goes home.

Jessie, in electric blue tank and pink leggings with stars, announces the next competition. It will be a Have & Have Not competiton. The houseguests slather on some war paint and enter a room that looks like a night club.

They have to connect pipes to pipes spelling out H-A-V-E that will allow liquid to spill onto a water wheel. The first team to get the wheel started wins. Big Brother competitions are dumb.

Ronnie thinks the competition will be easy because he's a smart guy and also he's not an idiot.

The competition begins. Our girl Jordan is confused by Braden's coaching; he's asking for pipes with a 90 degree angle. She wants him to speak in English so she can understand. Seriously, which high school did she go to?

Genius Ronnie wants his team to employ a linear strategy to build the pipes. It turns out to be, in Michelle's words 'a complete mess.' It's too linear.

Meanwhile, coach/teacher Casey leads his team to victory. The offbeats finish their pipes first.

The brains try a new strategy, building the pipes so they connect away from where they are supposed to be going.

The populars finish second.

As losers, the brains can only eat slop, take cold showers and must sleep in the most uncomfortable room in the house. The room is minimalist and metal. Chima says it looks like an insane asylum. She's way too 'diva for this bleep,' she says. She talks of going home. As Casey says, "Princess Chima isn't happy."

The house decides to have a bikini competition. Michele goes first. Our girl Jordan steps out in lingerie. Laura, the bikini model, steps out in a bikini, featuring her ample bosom, and Jessie is turned off by her seeming attempt to use her 'assets' to get ahead.

Later, when Laura tries to talk to Jessie about the butt kissing going on in the house toward him, he mostly ignores her. She notices but thinks he's playing a school boy game to get her to notice him. Because of course, otherwise, he'd be all over her.

Jessie asks Lydia for an arm massage; she gets lotion and gives him a full one. They discuss the realities of the game. She says, to the camera, that while others want his favor, she just wants to be close to him and know whether she's safe. Which sounds like the same thing.

During a talk among the athletes clique, Russell tells Jessie that she should nominate Lydia because she is playing the game, while Laura isn't. Russell believes he is quietly running the show because he has Jessie's ear. Natalie agrees that Lydia should go up. Jessie seems reluctant; he wants to do what's best for him.

On nomination day, Jessie ponders the wall. Laura says if he picks her, he's messing with the wrong girl. Lydia is confident. Russell talks about his control. Ronnie hopes Chima's blow up makes her the pawn. Zen surfer Braden talks about higher forces controlling his destiny.

As it turns out, Chima and Lydia are not safe. Lydia cries, she feels picked on. Braden is philosophical.

The heavens have opened up, he says, the gods speak now.

We couldn't have said it better.