It's the end of the race and the last contestants are: tooclose, cheerleading siblings Nick & Starr; reconciling couple Ken & "stop looking at my eyebrows" Tina; and those hapless frat boys Andrew & Dan.
You'd have to say Nick & Starr, who have pretty much dominated, are the favorites. But that's not what the frat boys think. "If people think we are chicken feed for Nick & Starr and Ken & Tina, they are mistaken," Andrew or Dan says.
Well, hello, I'm Mistaken. Call me Misty for short.
The first clue sends everyone to Portland, Oregon, specifically to an adventure camp. All the teams get on the same flight, so the landing becomes a foot race.
Once in a cab, Ken says what we've all been thinking: "Nick & Starr have a horse shoe stuck in their rear ends." Still, even with that advantage, Nick & Starr's cab gets a little lost and Ken & Tina arrive at the camp first.
Andrew & Dan, who have inexplicably made it to the top three, and thus, must also have horse shoes along with their heads stuck in their rear ends, get more lost. It's what they do.
At the camp, there is a detour. High and Dry involves each team member climbing 30 feet up a tree, traversing a log and leaping to a swing to get half a clue. Low and Wet means walking 850 feet across water logs to a clue box. Everyone goes High and Dry.
Tina is afraid of heights, but her competitive spirit makes her disregard that. It doesn't make her not whine and freak out about it however. Ken goes across the log easily. Tina does not. And while Tina can dish out the coaxing and firm encouragement, she can't take it. Ken must shut up so she can do this.
While Tina struggles with her fears, Nick & Starr complete the detour and head to the next location, the bridge of the gods, where they will board a zip line 2000 feet to the next clue box.
But Ken & Tina don't fold easily. Tina beats her fears, makes it across and they hop in a cab, fast on the trail of Nick & Starr. And then, Nick & Starr's cab goes the wrong way and Ken & Tina pass them, onto the next task first.
Which is a doozy. There's a board, ten questions to answer and 150 clue boxes in a field to check for the answers to the questions, all related to the detours, route stops and tasks they had to perform during the race. It requires memory and fitness, like that old game Concentration, but with running.
Oh, and meanwhile, Andrew & Dan are in a cab somewhere getting directions from the Oregon Tourist board.
Ken & Tina get a four-clue lead in the Concentration game before Nick & Starr get there. But Nick & Starr catch up and it's neck and neck. Tina decides to get all Tiger Woodsian; she will play her game and not focus on the other team. Which would make sense on the golf course, but here if they were watching Nick & Starr a little, they would have seen them go to the box with the last clue they were all seeking.
But they didn't, and Nick & Starr finish the puzzle first and jump into a taxi to the Portland building and the green dinosaur across the street to the next clue.
Meanwhile, Andrew & Dan are moseying along. When they get to the Concentration game this is what one of them says: "Obviously this is set up in a certain way. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out." That certain way would be random, and so we wonder, is it good they aren't geniuses or would that have helped?
Nick & Starr get to the dinosaur first. They get the clue and learn they must head on foot to Alder Street and find a food cart with food from the last pit stop (Russia). The next clue will be handed to them there.
Ken & Tina finally make it to the dinosaur and ask a security guard for directions to the food cart.
Nick & Starr get to the cart and the next clue tells them to go to where there's "magic in the hole." They must figure out that means a donut shop named Voodoo Donut.
They ask around; a woman sitting doesn't know, but a man next to her does and gives them directions. Later, Ken & Tina find the same sitting woman. Now she knows the answer and she has better directions to the donut shop.
Nick & Starr and Ken & Tina all have the final clue taking them to the pit stop. They just need a taxi to the finish line. But there are no taxis.
And then there are. The editing makes it seems that they get in taxis at practically the same time. Ken prays, asking our Heavenly Father for help. Starr does a more secular version of the same prayer, not addressing anyone in particular, but closing her eyes and bowing her head slightly.
In the end, Nick & Starr cross the line first - again - and get the million dollars. Second place Ken & Tina put back on their wedding bands and decide to try to make their marriage work.
Third place Andew & Dan make it to the line alive. And we'll never think of ASU and frat boys the same again.
Assistant Features Editor Adrienne Johnson Martin would like to have her life turned into an animated cartoon. 
