ABC has gone pretty darn creepy with their newest drama offering.

"The River," which has a two-hour debut tonight at 9, follows a group of fools (I believe that's the technical term) as they search the Amazon for a celebrity naturalist who, along with his entire crew, has been missing in the jungle for six months.

The search for Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood), the popular star of the "Undiscovered Country" series, quickly turns into a creepy, supernatural nightmare for everyone involved.

Today, after nearly 44 years, the soap "One Life to Live" is ending, and we already have a few friends shedding tears.

Happiness won't lie -- we weren't regular viewers, but as fans of all things TV, we couldn't let the moment pass.

So, we went to our friends at the Albany Times Union (credit staff writer C.J. Lais) and they graciously shared this quiz.

Wipe those tears so you can see clearly as you test your knowledge of life in Llanview, Pa. (We'll post the answers separately, later today.)

1. Longtime "OLTL" heroine Victoria Lord Gordon Riley Burke Riley Buchanan Buchanan Carpenter Davidson Banks has helped her portrayer, Erika Slezak, win a record six Daytime Emmys. But which one of these things never happened to Viki?

Television is a tough business, and so, history is strewn with failed series.

Some failed because they were bad; others because they were before their time.

Today, we offer two giveaway 2-packs that offer the shows' full first seasons AKA the complete series.

First up, "Sherri," the short-lived Lifetime sitcom based on the life of "The View" host Sherri Shepherd. The two-DVD set includes 13 episodes plus bonus webisodes featuring Ms. Shepherd's standup comedy.

We've paired that with "Huge," an acclaimed ABC Family show that starred Nikki Blonsky as a girl who attends fat camp and her relationships and adventures there.

The second package features "Off the Map," the ABC show from the preoducers of "Grey's Anatomy." You'll get more than 500 minutes of the show about young hot doctors in the South American jungle, plus bonus features like the cast discussing jungle medicine and cures.

That comes with the complete series of "Outsourced," the NBC sitcom about an American working at a call center in India. More than 7 hours of viewing with this one, plus a gag reel.

Want in? Just email here for the first package; and here for the second. We'll take entries until 7 tonight (12/20). We'll have a random drawing.

And we won't judge.

"Once Upon a Time"
Sundays at 8 p.m. on ABC

Okay, the premise of this new show is going to sound crazy, but bear with me.

Imagine all of the characters we know from fairytales once lived in their own magical world, until one day an evil queen placed a curse that trapped them in another world -- a world in which time for them stood still, and their happy endings were stolen.

Our world. A small town in present day Maine, to be exact.

"Once Upon a Time" bridges those two worlds with an adorable little boy named Henry (Jared Gilmore, who played poor Bobby Draper in "Mad Men") who seeks to rescue those magical characters and return them to their happy endings.

Guest blogger Lenni G. talks elimination night:

Lots of really good entertainment last night from Kelly Clarkson singing two of her hits, The Band Perry accompanied by Louis and Karina, and a real dancing discovery - Charm La'Donna from Compton, California, doing a krumping routine with Mark Ballas and Derek Hough.  This incredibly talented girl with a truly inspirational back story deserves to be seen again and again. 

On to the results:

Bottom three ended up being Hope and Maks (I told you so!), David and Kym (I was surprised), and Carson and Anna (I was bummed).

Guest blogger Lenni G recaps and make her elimination prediction:

It was all about the music from the 80's last night and we had the Bangles to get us in the mood.  Though this was supposedly the "decadent decade," just how depraved can a song like "Walk Like An Egyptian" be?  But I digress.
 
First out, Hope and Maks with a tango and Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer."  Len was all over Maks for his choreography which he felt was not suited to a tango, and chided Hope for her "willowy" body which he also felt was not suited to the tango.  Bruno thought Hope got the 80's super B---h down to a "T" as in strong, sexy and powerful.  Carrie Ann agreed it was strong, maybe too strong.  I was distracted by the discarded clothes in the middle of the dance floor and the fact that this couple, as Hope said, have a "love-love" relationship - they love to hate each other and it shows.  Judges' scores - 8's from all three for a total of 24.

"Man Up"
Tuesdays at 8:30 p.m. on ABC

This is another of ABC's 2011 "male angst" sitcoms. It follows Tim Allen's dreadful (but predictably popular) "Last Man Standing," and while "Man Up" isn't very good, I think it's much better than "Last Man Standing."

It's essentially about some guys who apparently do not feel they behave in a manly enough fashion, whatever that is supposed to be. The premise is just as ridiculous as the one for Allen's show -- as if there is one certain way all men (or women) are supposed to behave. But I didn't cringe nearly as often as I did watching "Last Man Standing," which I realize is damning this show with faint praise.

To say something positive, Dan Fogler (second from the right) was actually funny a couple of times. He plays "angry" well, but he was the only humorous thing I saw. Keep in mind, I've only seen one episode so far. So, you know. Check it out. Or not.

"Last Man Standing"
8 p.m., ABC

I have got great news for everyone who has missed Tim Allen and corny laughtrack comedies.

ABC's "Last Man Standing" is a lot like the 90s sitcom "Home Improvement," except now Allen can say "balls" and "frickin'" on television. And instead of hosting a home improvement TV show, this time Allen is a male chauvinist executive at an outdoorsman supply company. Also, instead of sons he has daughters (and a baby grandson), and he's married to Nancy Travis. Hector Elizondo is his boss.

And the writing is horrid.

That's kind of it. The pilot has big laughs like this: When Allen doesn't like the "hippy" daycare his daughter takes her son Boyd to, the daughter counters that the school teaches him sensitivity and tolerance.

Allen: "You know how that ends up. Boyd dancing on a float." (Picture flamboyant arm-waving).
Daughter: "And what would be so wrong with that?"
Allen: "The only time men should be dancing is when other men are shooting at their feet."

Nice.

There's a demographic that might enjoy this. I am not in it.

UPDATE: This is interesting. The two advance episodes I watched had these weird silent moments after "jokes" that were obviously supposed to be filled with laughter from a studio audience, but there was no laughter. So I assumed it was NOT filmed before a studio audience, but on a closed set, and that they planned to electronically add canned laughter in later (I know that's cheating, but shows do it). This Washington Post review indicates the show was filmed before a studio audience -- an audience who obviously agree with everyone else that this stuff isn't funny. I'm guessing they'll be adding that canned laughter to the episodes that air tonight.

Suburgatory
Wednesday, 8:30 p.m. on ABC

This is a great one. A dad (Jeremy Sisto) finds condoms in his daughter's room so he freaks out and moves her from Manhattan to the suburbs.

"Suburgatory" is darkly hilarious -- the kind of  irreverent humor that I adore, but tucked inside the kind of smart sitcom I can't imagine making it in this cruel "Two and a Half Men"-loving world. Jane Levy is perfect as the daughter, and the dialogue (especially hers) is super sharp.

I love this sitcom. I will watch the fool out of this sitcom. I encourage/beg you to do the same.

Cheryl Hines and Ana Gasteyer are great as neighbor moms. Also stars Alan Tudyk and Chris Parnell.