Hoarders (9pm, A&E) - The third season of "Hoarders" opens tonight with two back-to-back new episodes. In the first episode we meet a woman whose estranged husband asks his children to help their mom clean up her house in the weeks before he dies, to keep the home from being condemned by the city. In the second episode, a couple and their two grown children are given 72 hours by the city to clean or vacate their home, from which Animal Control has already removed their seven cats. I'm depressed just writing about this.
The Closer (9pm, TNT) - The squad looks for clues in the death of an aspiring actress, and Brenda prepares for her interview for the chief of police job, even though she has reservations about it. And there have to be repurcussions from Brenda's actions at the end of last week's episode, right? Mary McDonnell returns as Capt. Raydor.
Real Housewives of New Jersey (9pm, Bravo) - It's the conclusion of the reunion show and all I know is that previews show host Andy Cohen running off the set. Someone watch it and tell me why.
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (9pm, Travel) - Bourdain's seventh season and 100th episode take him to the Grenadine Islands where he goes fishing, scuba diving, and tries to hunt a local delicacy.
Rizzoli & Isles (10pm, TNT) - Jane is swept up into Boston's Irish-mob past when she probes the murder of an identity thief, who seemingly had no real identity of his own. Meanwhile, Maura makes a discovery that propels her on intensely personal odyssey. Episode directed by Adam Arkin.
Thintervention with Jackie Warner (10pm, Bravo) - A new show from Bravo in which fitness expert Jackie Warner inspires lifestyle changes for clients hoping to shed some pounds. Check out Adrienne's review.