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"Big Rich Atlanta" might be a sign of the city's apocalypse

Behind us lay Atlanta, smouldering and in ruins, the black smoke rising high in air, and hanging like a pall over the ruined city.

— William T. Sherman, Memoirs of General W.T. Sherman

Smell that? It's Atlanta going up in flames again. But this time, the flames are figurative. This time when the survivors look back at their ruined city, they won't see the wreckage left from a North-South battle. No, they will smell the rot of decay from selling the city's soul to reality show producers.

Which brings me to "Big Rich Atlanta" (8 tonight, Style network), another show about unseemly people who live in Atlanta. I know, I know I shouldn't take these shows seriously. Trust me, I know intellectually that the Atlanta I see in all these Atlanta-based reality shows (Housewives, Sisterhoods, rappers, baby daddies) isn't Atlanta in its totality. I know intellectually these people aren't the real anything of Atlanta. And yet, after watching so many of them (it's my job!) I think of Atlanta, the real one, and I shudder and say "Ugh." Guess TV images do matter.

So what's the deal with the latest show to make Atlanta look like a place populated by awful, awful people? There's these two skinny blonde gals, I think named after those Harlequin-wearing chicks who work for the Joker in Batman. With their blonde mother's money, they are starting a jewelry line that is sure to cause said mother to lose all her money. They have 'friends'; There's another blonde who is spacey and sweet (she has a blonde mother too). There's a blonde girl with pumped up lips who is mean and unlikeable, but is supposed to be the one we love to hate. (She doesn't seem to have a mother around.) There's another friend with the same name as Queen Latifah's character on "Living Single" who couldn't possibly be friends with these women in real life; there's just no reason for her to even talk to them. And there's another girl whose mother is a dancing pastor.

They fight, they argue, they make up, they steal boyfriends from one another. And I only saw one episode.

Listen, I like a guilty pleasure as much as the next couch potato. I'm a First Amendment fanatic. And I have a high tolerance for muck. Yet "Big Rich Atlanta" got me all philosophical about the state of the state of Georgia's most known city. And I tell you I see a "Gone With The Wind" moment coming. "Big Rich Atlanta" could be the fire this time.

What to Watch on Monday: "Lie to Me" season makes early return

How I Met Your Mother (8pm, CBS) - Barney offers Ted a job designing a building, but when Ted turns him down, Barney uses all of his wooing skills to change his mind. Also, unfortunately, a lonely Robin drunk-dials Don.

Chuck (8pm, NBC) - Chuck and Sarah's villainous nemeses, played by Stone Cold Steve Austin and Nicole Richie, return with more trouble. Meanwhile, Morgan preps the Buy More for a big video game release.

Lie to Me (9pm, Fox) - The third season of "Lie to Me" returns early thanks to the early demise of "Lone Star." Tonight, Tim tries to stop a man bent on revenge from robbing a bank and in the process, holds a guilty man accountable for his actions.

Scare Tactics (9pm, Syfy) - Season 4 opens with pranks involving a caterer, a lottery winner, and mutilated livestock. Also, an eviction takes a sinister turn.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta (9pm, Bravo) - In the third season premiere, rumors are causing trouble for everyone and new housewives are added to the cast: Phaedra Parks and Cynthia Bailey.

Castle (10pm, ABC) - Encoded evidence during an investigation sparks Castle's imagination but Beckett dismisses his crazy theories. Also, Beckett's reunion with her old partner turns romantic, much to Castle's chagrin.

A show of sheer folly-cles: "Hair Battle Spectacular"

Journalism has taken me many interesting places and so it was 15 years ago in Los Angeles that I ended up at my first hair battle.

Back then, it was a fringe movement, a kind of traveling road show featuring hair of any hue coming down the runway set to music.

It was wild and fun but the creations were still recognizably hair styles.

Not anymore. The fantasy hair design world, as it's now called, is all about creation. These are artistes. The point is to tell a story on the head, through hair.

That's the premise that fuels the cheeky "Hair Battle Spectacular" (Oxygen, 10 tonight), a competition show that brings 10 stylists together and pits them in a series of battles to win $100,000.

What to Watch on Thursday: Betty White appears on "30 Rock"

Community (8pm, NBC) - Annie hosts a Day of the Dead Party, which conflicts with Jeff's plans to court his statistics professor. Pierce (Chevy Chase) gets a little carried away as he confronts getting older.

30 Rock (9:30pm, NBC) -  Jack and Liz visit Kenneth's hometown looking for fresh talent (expect lots of over-the-top Southern stereotypes) and Tracy is afraid his will be the third death after two other celebrities die. Betty White and Jeff Dunham appear in guest roles.

Real Housewives of Atlanta (10pm, Bravo) - It's part one of two reunion shows featuring the feuding brats of Atlanta. The ridiculous fighting between NeNe and Kim is pretty unbearable at this point, so the only compelling reason to watch this is Kandi, who will talk about how she's dealing with the sudden tragic death of her former fiance, AJ (left).

Ace of Cakes (10pm, Food) - In the seventh season finale, the
gang goes to New York to prepare a cake for the premiere of "Harry
Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," and also a cake honoring an upcoming
"ghostgirl" novel.

What to Watch on Thursday: Real Heifers of Atlanta finale

Community (8pm, NBC) - Jeff has an ulterior motive for urging Troy to join the school's football team, but Annie interferes. Whatever. Just please give me some more Señor Chang (right).

The Office (9pm, NBC) - Jim and Pam return from their honeymoon only to learn that Michael is now dating Pam's mom. As you might expect, Pam isn't exactly thrilled about the news.

The Jeff Dunham Show (9pm, Comedy Central) - A new show from the comic puppeteer Jeff Dunham. The review in "The Hollywood Reporter" says it best: "You'll be the dummy if you tune in." It's up to you, but you've been warned. 

Grey's Anatomy (9pm, ABC) - A burn victim dies unexpectedly in the ER and the chief has to find out which resident is responsible. 

Real Housewives of Atlanta (10pm, Bravo) - "Is your wig squeezing your brain too tight, heifer?" "I'm supposed to forget that you choked me?" No, no, that's not a scene from "Masterpiece Theatre." That, my friends, is the season finale of "Real Housewives of Atlanta" calling. 

What to Watch on Thursday: "30 Rock" returns to NBC lineup

Grey's Anatomy (9pm, ABC) - It's Day One of the Seattle Grace-Mercy West merger, and it's war. With jobs on the line, no one here is playing nice. Plus, Hector Elizondo returns as Callie's father, and he's brought with him a priest who will pray for Callie to start dating men again. 

30 Rock (9:30pm, NBC) - It's the much-anticipated return of NBC's award-winning (but modestly-rated) sitcom. Liz (Tina Fey) and Pete search for new talent and Kenneth goes on strike. Jack (Alec Baldwin) is struggling to both cut costs and boost ratings of NBC's show-within-a-show (doing more with less, anyone?), which gives Tracy (Tracy Morgan) the idea of reaching out to the public. That's just not going to end well.

Real Housewives of Atlanta (10pm, Bravo) - I can't make any snarky comments about this episode because in light of AJ's recent death, it sounds just plain sad: Kim and Sheree come together to plan Kandi and AJ's wedding shower, while Kandi and AJ (and Kandi's mom) all visit a marriage counselor to try to work out some of their differences.

What to Watch on Thursday: Jim and Pam finally tie the knot

FlashForward (8pm, ABC) - Mark and Janis meet an imprisoned Nazi who claims to have knowledge about the blackout.

The Office (9pm, NBC) - It's the TV wedding of the decade, and you better believe Jim and Pam won't be getting married via post-it notes. The cutest couple in primetime gets hitched tonight in a special one-hour episode of "The Office," and the entire gang travels to Niagra Falls to witness the blessed event. Which begs the question, who will ruin the big day? Will it be Michael and his pathological need to insinuate himself into any big moment (remember Phyllis's wedding to Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration?). Or will it be Andy and Dwight's tireless attempts to score with the single ladies in attendance? Nope. Word is, Jim takes care of screwing things up all on his own. You must tune in to find out how. 

Real Housewives of Atlanta (10pm, Bravo) - NeNe plans a high-heel marathon for her foundation and Kandi travels to LA to discuss a potential record deal. It'll be interesting to see if Bravo acknowledges the sudden death of Kandi's fiance AJ this past weekend

What to Watch on Thursday: Private Practice returns with baby drama

Survivor: Samoa (8pm, CBS) - At the reward challenge, one of the tribal leaders makes a controversial decision that lands him in hot water. Meanwhile, Jaison tries to build an alliance against Evil Russell. Russell is the one who formed himself a "Dumb Ass Girl Alliance" (left) on the first show, and totally made up a heartbreaking story about living in New Orleans during Katrina and losing his beloved German Shepherd in a muddy flood. Never lived in New Orleans. Never had a dog. All a lie. He is evil.

Parks and Recreation (8:30pm, NBC) - Leslie judges the Miss Pawnee beauty pageant and clashes with other judges on the issue of what defines the "ideal woman." We're assuming her notion involves being able to rock Fresh Prince lyrics around the office.

Private Practice (10pm, ABC) - Season 3 begins tonight with Violet (Amy Brenneman) struggling to survive a C-section/assault at the hands of a crazy person who stole her baby. Tonight, the baby and the attacker are missing. Violet spends the first part of the season dealing with all this, and they'll also reveal the identity of the baby's father later in the season.

Real Housewives of Atlanta (10pm, Bravo) - NeNe, who we are SO sick of, breaks away from the other women in the wake of her fights with Kandi and Kim. Kandi and Kim keep working on their "Tardy for the Party" single, and Big Papa has a big surprise for Kim at her birthday party. Sheree heads to NYC to work on her clothing line.

Real Housewives of Atlanta: They're wearing on me

 

I think I'm losing my thirst for the Real Housewives of Atlanta, and I'm not exactly sure why.

I even forgot to watch it last week.

I can't quite figure out why: Is it the relentless pettiness toward Kim? Their ridiculous posing as the
elite of Atlanta? Overexposure?

Not sure. But it might be encapsulated in the fashion line face-off between Sheree and Lisa.

Don't be tardy for the party on CSI: Atlanta

On Friday's "Bonnie Hunt Show," which incidentally featured a fairly contentious interview with former Illinois governor Rod BlagojevichBonnie Hunt and Niecy Nash reprised their "Real Housewives of Atlanta" spoof, making Kim Zolciak and NeNe Nash the stars of a new spinoff show, "CSI: Atlanta." The segment is completely ad-libbed and Nash especially gets off some great lines ("Your hair don't look plastic or nothing!" "We got a nail down!"). "The Bonnie Hunt Show" airs at 11am weekdays on WRDC.

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