FunnyorDie.com has posted a "Hoarders" spoof in which Tori Spelling gets an intervention due to her excessive hoarding of gay pals. "Hoarders: The Untold sTori" prominently features local "American Idol" runner-up Clay Aiken.

Fireworks

A Capital Fourth (8pm, UNC-TV) - Jimmy Smits hosts a celebration and fireworks display in honor of America's 235th birthday. The special features Josh Groban, Steve Martin and the Deep Canyon Rangers, Little Richard, Jordin Sparks, Matthew Morrison, Broadway's Kelli O'Hara, and the National Symphony Orchestra under the direction of conductor Jack Everly. Live from the West Lawn of the U.S. Capital. Repeats at 9:30.

Macy's 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular (9pm, NBC) - Nick Lachey anchors live coverage of Manhattan's celebration and fireworks display with performances by Beyonce and Brad Paisley. Repeats at 10pm.

Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular (10pm, CBS) - Lionel Richie performs live with the Boston Pops under the direction of conductor Keith Lockhart at the Charles River Esplanade. The show's finale includes an explosive fireworks display accompanied by the "1812 Overture." Michael Chiklis hosts.

News 14 Carolina will also broadcast local fireworks live this evening. Raleigh's fireworks show will begin around 9:45 p.m. News 14 will also show the Charlotte fireworks, which start around 9:30.

Other stuff

Citizen U.S.A.: A 50 State Road Trip (9pm, HBO) - Filmmaker Alexandra Pelosi's patriotic travelogue crisscrosses the country to attend naturalization ceremonies in all 50 states and listens to recent immigrants from around the world explain their decision to become American citizens. The film was inspired by the naturalization process experienced by Pelosi's Dutch-born husband, Michael Vos, and includes remarks from former Secretaries of State Madeleine Albright and Henry Kissinger, commentator Arianna Huffington, and rock star Gene Simmons.

Hoarders (9pm, A&E) - Tonight's episode is a follow-up show that looks at the progress of people who were profiled during the show's second season. Cary organization specialist Geralin Thomas appears with some of her clients.

Single Ladies (9pm, VH1) - A trainer pushes Keisha to the limit in more ways than one, and Val is tired of bad first dates and decides to swear off men for awhile. Also, newscaster Sharon Love (Queen Latifah) lets a secret about Val slip.

Teen Wolf (10pm, MTV) - Scott tries to control his transformations so he can spend more (safe) time with Allison. Also, Derek continues trying to make Scott his ally.

Weeds (10pm, Showtime) - Nancy tries to adjust to live in New York City and gets a surprise when Andy and Shane unexpectedly show up, fresh from Copenhagen.

The Big C (10:30pm, Showtime) - Cathy tries dabbling in the supernatural after she's unsuccessful at scoring a spot in a clinical trial for a new cancer treatment overseen by a renowned oncologist, played by Alan Alda.

Countdown with Keith Obermann (8pm, Current TV) - The premiere of Olbermann's new show after being fired from MSNBC. Current TV is channel 413 on Time Warner Cable.

The Bachelorette (8pm, ABC) - Ashley is still in the Thailand with the remaining guys, trying to figure out which one can be her mate for life. Also, Evil Bentley returns to mess with Ashley's head some more. Because, you know, free trip to Thailand.

Animal Planet Investigates: Captive Hunting Exposed (9pm, Animal Planet) - An investigation into canned-hunting operations, in which animals are shot in confined areas. According to Zap2It.com, the special takes viewers inside facilities in New York and Texas where clients hunt and kill exotic and sometimes endangered species. Zebras, wildebeests, even kangaroos are all fair game and confined to a limited area where they are easy pickings for the trophy-hungry hunter. Seriously, in what kind of tortured rationalization is that "sporting?"

Sex Crimes Unit (9pm, HBO) - A documentary that looks at the division of the Manhattan DA's office dedicated to investigating and prosecuting sexual assault cases. Includes the story of a 1993 rape that was reexamined shortly before the statute of limitations expired, but ended with a conviction. Directed by Lisa F. Jackson.

MasterChef (9pm, Fox) - The contestants have one hour to prepare a dish using surprise ingredients found in a mystery box. Two are eliminated. My vow to Fox: I'll keep watching as long as you keep Pumpkin Ben. After that, I can't make any promises.

Hoarders (9pm, A&E) - In the fourth season opener, a woman collects dolls, and a woman has no water or heat in her home because of her hoarding. Geralin Thomas, a professional organizer in Cary, appears on tonight's episode helping Phyllis from Georgia.

Intervention (10pm, A&E) - A new season opens with a woman battling a heroin addiction.

Teen Wolf (10pm, MTV) - A new werewolf hunter arrives in town, putting Derek's life in danger and forcing him to make reluctant allies of Scott and Stiles. Meanwhile, Scott tries to survive dinner with Allison's father.

Nurse Jackie (10pm, Showtime) - In the season finale, Jackie sweats through a mandatory drug test at work and tries to avoid another confrontation with Kevin.

United States of Tara (10:30pm, Showtime) - In the series finale,  Tara and Max head to Boston to see an expert doctor. Also, Evan proposes to Kate and Marshall ponders where to go to college.

Hoarders (9pm, A&E) - The third season of "Hoarders" opens tonight with two back-to-back new episodes. In the first episode we meet a woman whose estranged husband asks his children to help their mom clean up her house in the weeks before he dies, to keep the home from being condemned by the city. In the second episode, a couple and their two grown children are given 72 hours by the city to clean or vacate their home, from which Animal Control has already removed their seven cats. I'm depressed just writing about this.

The Closer (9pm, TNT) - The squad looks for clues in the death of an aspiring actress, and Brenda prepares for her interview for the chief of police job, even though she has reservations about it. And there have to be repurcussions from Brenda's actions at the end of last week's episode, right? Mary McDonnell returns as Capt. Raydor.

Real Housewives of New Jersey (9pm, Bravo) - It's the conclusion of the reunion show and all I know is that previews show host Andy Cohen running off the set. Someone watch it and tell me why.

Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (9pm, Travel) - Bourdain's seventh season and 100th episode take him to the Grenadine Islands where he goes fishing, scuba diving, and tries to hunt a local delicacy.

Rizzoli & Isles (10pm, TNT) - Jane is swept up into Boston's Irish-mob past when she probes the murder of an identity thief, who seemingly had no real identity of his own. Meanwhile, Maura makes a discovery that propels her on intensely personal odyssey. Episode directed by Adam Arkin.

Thintervention with Jackie Warner (10pm, Bravo) - A new show from Bravo in which fitness expert Jackie Warner inspires lifestyle changes for clients hoping to shed some pounds. Check out Adrienne's review.

It was only a matter of time before the suddenly trendy spate of hoarding shows (like this one and this one) splintered off into the subcategory of animal hoarding.

Hoarding is sad enough when someone's house is filled to the gills with old magazines, dirty clothes, broken toys and various garbage. But when hoarding involves animals, it's even more excruciating. That's why I'm not sure I can watch the new series debuting on Animal Planet next week.

House (8pm, Fox) - Wilson (Robert Sean Leonard, left) works on a case involving an old friend (Joshua Malina) and makes a bet with House that his diagnosis is not the return of cancer.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (8pm, ABC) - The original Dr. Seuss animated classic with narration by Boris Karloff.

Lie to Me (9pm, Fox) - Cal, Foster, and Reynolds determine the honesty of poker players during  the investigation into a missing finalist in the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas.

Intervention (9pm, A&E) - A&E's Emmy-winning reality series returns, and the subject of tonight's addiction is pain killers. 

Hoarders (10pm, A&E) -  The season two premiere focuses on a son trying to help his mother, a hoarder whose compulsive behavior led to him being removed from her home 14 years earlier. 

Chef Academy (11pm, Bravo) - The students (including one from Charlotte) must replicate Chef Novelli's risotto with his mother's tomato sauce, but not before a disruption results in one student's dismissal. If you need to catch up, read last week's recap.

Lincoln Heights (8pm, ABC Family) - As season 4 opens, the Sutton family must decide what to do after the earthquake. Should they stay or should they go?

One Tree Hill (8pm, CW) - Season 7 returns without series originals Chad Michael Murray and Hilarie Burton. But what we do have is Nathan (James Lafferty, left), who is now in the NBA and facing a career-threatening accusation. Also, Brooke prepares a new fashion line, and Julian plans to produce a huge film.

Gossip Girl (9pm, CW) - Big changes for GG in season 3. The gang is now in college and Chuck and Blair are finally together. Serena returns from Europe with Carter, and Nate returns from abroad with a mysterious woman. Also, Dan befriends a classmate, played by guest star Hilary Duff, who will appear in several episodes.

The Jay Leno Show (10pm, NBC) - Jay goes all out this week with lots of big guests, and his first night is maybe the biggest. Jerry Seinfeld is up first, then Jay-Z, Rihanna, and Kanye West are scheduled to perform. ABC and CBS have repeats tonight (and most of the week), so between that and the Kanye controversy, Jay should expect huge numbers for his first week, at least.

NCIS (6am, USA)  - It's not part of USA's Awards Marathon series, but it's a great marathon nonetheless. It'll get you psyched for the premiere of "NCIS: Los Angeles" with LL Cool J starting later this month. And it should go without saying: 15 hours of Mark Harmon (runs till 9pm).

Band of Brothers (10am, Spike) - Spike is showing the entire 10-episode mini-series today, starting at 10am. Spike is channel 40 on local Time Warner Cable.

Golden Girls Marathon (1pm, We) - And yet another Labor Day marathon. This one runs till midnight.

Manson (9pm, History Channel) - It's the 40th anniversary of the Manson murders, so that explains all the Manson programming I've been seeing lately. This is a two-hour docudrama on the Tate-LaBianca murders that includes archival footage and an interview with former "Manson Family" member Linda Kasabian.

Hoarders (10pm, A&E) - This is the episode of "Hoarders" that I will not be watching: a woman has 75 living and dead cats in her feces-covered, urine-soaked home. I'm no expert, but I say put the lady and the living cats in a no-kill shelter and burn that place down.

Durham County (10pm, ION) - Must-Watch: an award-winning mystery-suspense series from Canada with a particularly appealing title. It has murder, secrets, lies... Did I mention it's called "Durham County?" It stars Hugh Dillon and Justin Louis and runs for 6 episodes. NOTE: ION channel shows up as WRPX (or channel 21) on Time Warner Cable.

Since the highly-rated premiere of "Hoarders" on A&E a few weeks ago, I can't shake the nagging feeling that my pantry and I are about two boxes of pasta away from a painful, televised intervention.

The show, which offers a disturbing look inside the homes (and minds) of people with a particular type of obsessive-compulsive disorder which compels them to hoard stuff (some people hoard any and everything, others specialize), can elicit a lot of different reactions from viewers. Maybe it makes you feel good about your own relatively spotless-by-comparison home, or
maybe it drives you to finally clean out that garage that no longer holds your car, or maybe it simply repulses you.

Personally, after watching the first episode . . .

CMA Music Festival: Country's Night to Rock (8pm, ABC) - Pretty much every country music artist you can think of from A-to-Z (from Jason Aldean to the Zac Brown Band) gathers to get their rock on.

Greek (9pm, ABC Family) - In the third season opener of this smart, funny drama, Casey is dealing with Cappie's rejection and Cappie learns of Max's departure. Meanwhile, Rusty's grades begin to slip and he risks being dropped from the honors program. 

9/11: Science and Conspiracy (9pm, NGC) - The National Geographic Channel probes common conspiracy theories about 9/11.

Hoarders (10pm, A&E) - It's the horror we can't look away from. Tonight a woman's sick husband is removed their home because of the filth and accumulated junk.

Weeds (10pm, Showtime) - The season finale has Nancy scrambling to secure herself and her future after learning of Esteban's fate, and Andy resolves to make some changes in his decidedly unfocused life. Also, Doug, Dean, and Celia come to an amicable agreement, and Silas decides he must help Adelita.