When Charlie Sheen says he's not using drugs, I think what he really means is, "I'm using a lot of drugs." (Actually, I'll note that '20/20' gave him a drug test, which he passed, meaning he's obviously just full-blown crazy at this point).

Here's Sheen's interview with 'Today,' which aired this morning. Sheen says he plans to sue CBS for yanking 'Two and a Half Men.'

'Today' will air more of the Sheen interview on Tuesday morning's show, and ABC will air their Sheen interview Tuesday night at 10pm on '20/20.'

Update: Sheen gave another even more bizarre interview to TMZ today. Right after that happened, his longtime publicist resigned. Can't say I blame him.
 

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Adam Leroy Lane, the North Carolina serial killer who randomly murdered women across the northeastern United States, is the subject of tonight's '48 Hours: Live to Tell.'

Actually, to be more precise, the Massachusetts teenager, who along with her family finally stopped Lane's killing spree, is really the star of the show.

In July 2007, 15-year-old Shea McDonough (left) was attacked in her Chelmsford, Mass., home in the middle of the night while her parents slept just down the hall. Awakened by the sound of Shea whimpering, her parents investigated and found the masked trucker from Jonesville attacking their daughter with a knife. Her parents bravely fought the much larger Lane while Shea called 911.

CBS has decided to halt production of  'Two and a Half Men' -- one of their biggest ratings hits -- after Charlie Sheen's latest radio rant earlier today. In the rant, Sheen called Chuck Lorre, the creator of his hit sitcom, "Hymie Levine" and referred to AA as a "bootleg cult." He also referred to women he has partied with in the past as "turds."

Sheen called in to the nationally syndicated "The Alex Jones Show" today and went on an unbelievably bizarre rant against pretty much everyone, particularly his bosses at CBS and people who have suggested he is anything other than totally awesome -- even when he's high on crack. At times during the conversation, Jones seemed to be egging Sheen on.

Pulling the show for the rest of the season (at least) is going to cost CBS huge, but it had to be done.

Dear esteemed creators of "How I Met Your Mother",

For the rest of your show's still enjoyable run, I propose that you tag the beginning of future episodes with news crawls alerting us to storylines devoted to Ted's love interests who do not end up being his future wife. If said news crawl had been up and running already this season, we could have decided if we wanted to fast-forward through Ted and Zoey's improbable romance.

So help me if Zoey doesn't end up being the future Bride of Ted, I'll slap the writers of "How I Met Your Mother" with Ted's British morning socks if this ends up being another misdirect.

Ted's panicky retreat to join a mourning Marshall in Minnesota delivered the sinking feeling that this show, deep into its sixth season, has no intention of introducing us to the future Mom of Ted's kids anytime soon.

But at least Barney treated us to another great madeup holiday. If the Hallmark/FTD florists' cartel can sell the world on the value of Valentine's Day, then I'm all for a Desperation Day, where 10's display the self-esteem of a 4 and the depraved enthusiasm of a 2.

WRAL will air the UNC vs. Clemson basketball game tonight at 8pm, which means "NCIS" and "NCIS: Los Angeles" will be preempted.

Those programs will air at 1:37am and 2:37am (they have to wait until after "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson"). To be on the safe side, WRAL suggests setting your recording devices to record from 1:30am to 4:30am.

Also, if you're taping "The Good Wife" at 10pm, you probably want to set that to go a little longer too, just in case the game runs long.

The anti-baby crowd vowing to stop watching How I Met Your Mother as soon as Lily delivers a mini-Marshall got their wish for at least another week, but at what cost?

Marshall may have survived Monday night's fertility scare with a reassuring visit to Barney's bearded doppelganger, Dr. Stangel, but his failure to impregnate Lily had fatal consequences. How else are we to take the news at the end of the episode that Marshall's father died of a heart attack before learning that Marshall was not sterile?

On most episodes of "How I Met Your Mother", Ted Mosby gets saddled with the chores of the annoying poser, the over-educated liberal arts major most likely to correct your pronunciation of "encyclopedia" or offer fun facts about the Empire State Building.

He's exactly the kind of "Look at me, I'm so whimsically creative" guy who thinks a homemade gingerbread house is the perfect Christmas-themed snack to bring to a theater screening of "It's a Wonderful Life."

As much as we talk about the omnipotence of the World Wide Web, and about tweeting and FaceBook, leave it to the Race to expose the ugly truth: There are some people who have no interest in the Internet, and get along just fine, thank you very much.

Don't get annoyed, just stay away from them and we'll all get along.

Especially, if you're running a race.

As we begin, the Notre Dame grad and his less educated girlfriend leave first and head to Los Angeles, the final location in the Race. They must head to the Long Beach port, Pier J for the next clue.

Several "How I Met Your Mother" episodes ago, Ted and Zoey embarked on one of those inevitable sitcom relationships where you have two opposite personalities whose distaste for each other is so strong that they inevitably get turned on and start ripping each other's clothes off.

Although nothing was consummated in Monday night's episode, somehow we've jumped from bitter enemies to best of friends in the blink of a manatee's transformation into a mermaid.