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Canceled: CBS canceled some $#*! today

CBS canceled some $#*! today, including the Twitter-inspired William Shatner sitcom "$#*! My Dad Says."

They also canceled the "How I Met Your Mother" copycat sitcom "Mad Love," which starred Sarah Chalke and Jason Biggs, and the pretty good legal dramedy "The Defenders," which starred Jim Belushi and Jerry O'Connell.

No word yet on CBS bubble shows "CSI: NY" and "Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior." We'll update you when something happens with those.

What to Watch on Thursday: Daddy issues on "Vampire Diaries"

Vampire Diaries (8pm, CW) - Elena, Jenna, and Damon are shocked and dismayed when John Gilbert (David Anders), Elena's biological father, returns to Mystic Falls. Meanwhile, Caroline is taken hostage and Tyler deals with the news that she and other vampires have murdered his uncle.

Big Bang Theory (8pm, CBS) - Sheldon takes acting lessons from Penny, hoping they will make him a better teacher.

$#*! My Dad Says (8:30pm, CBS) - Ed (William Shatner) gets jealous when a wealthy suitor (Lee Majors) tries to woo Rosemary (Jean Smart). I don't like this show and I'm only mentioning it out of my allegiance to "The Six Million Dollar Man" and "Designing Women."

"Million Dollar Listing" (9pm, Bravo) - Season 4 opens with a new cast member (Josh Altman replaces the insufferable Chad Rogers) tangling with an angry seller trying to market his chic home.

Parks & Recreation (9:30pm, NBC) - Leslie (Amy Poehler) wants to bury a Pawnee time capsule, but an odd suggestion from a local man (Will Forte) causes unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, Andy seeks Chris's advice on how to win back April. All NBC comedies ("Community," "Perfect Couples," "The Office," "30 Rock," "Outsourced")are new tonight.

Archer (10pm, FX) - Broke after having been wiped out in a Ponzi scheme, Malory decides to sell ISIS to rival spy agency ODIN, whose chief (voice of Jeffrey Tambor) happens to be in love with her. The ISIS team tries to stop the sale and the romance.

What to Watch on Thursday: Honestly, not much.

Wipeout (8pm, ABC) - Nothing new here. People bounce off giant balls and fall into mud.

$#*! My Dad Says (8:30pm, CBS) - You know everything is a rerun tonight if I'm even mentioning this show (or "Wipeout"). But, it does have Ed Begley, Jr. in a guest spot, so not all is lost. Bonnie and Vince must arrange a second wedding ceremony after they learn their first wedding was illegal. Ed (William Shatner) wants to break them up when he learns Bonnie's father (Begley) is attending the ceremony.

Grey's Anatomy (9pm, ABC) - Arizona asks for Mark's advice as she tries to reconcile with Callie, who has some big news. Also, Teddy must make a major decision for her new husband Henry (Scott Foley) during his surgery, and the chief announces that he's looking for a new chief resident on the day the residents receive a new crop of interns. There's a new episode of "Private Practice" at 10.

Beyond Scared Straight (10pm, A&E) - Five young women visit Valley State Prison in Chowchilla, Cal., in the first episode of a new series in which troubled teens visit prisons to get a hard look at life behind bars.

Ace of Cakes (10pm, Food) - Betty White orders a cake for her favorite animal charity, and the staff holds a cake-balancing contest when Duff leaves town for the day.

Don't bother to listen to the "S#*! My Dad Says"

I never followed the Twitter feed that "$#*! My Dad Says" (CBS, 8:30 tonight)  is based on, but I can see that it would be amusing to have random crazy quotes from the mouth of a man who doesn't mince his words.

Shaping those thoughts into a narrative, now that's a challenge, one that has not been accomplished with this show. It is not funny. At all. I don't care how hard the laugh tracks laughs.

William Shatner plays the father Ed, a cranky guy who lives on his own. His son Henry (Jonathan Sadowski) gets laid off from his magazine job and reluctantly needs to go to dad for a handout and a place to land. Bonnie (Nicole Sullivan) and Vince (Will Sasso) play Ed's daughter in law and son from a previous marriage.

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